My soul yearns for a place that I can call home

On March 2019, I posted this on Instagram: 

My next big dream is to live in nature, close to the sea and mountains while having a possibility to enjoy vibrant city life; arts, culture, and restaurants. After years of moving often and living in different countries, my soul yearns a place I could settle in and call home ✨💎💫 .

I remember clearly how I felt when writing this post; I was so inspired, excited of the unknown possibilities and vibing on the high energy. 

Now, you might realize that when I wrote this post we had only been living in Hamburg, Germany for a year.

We had left New York as Joonas took a big, global corporate job in Europe. We also wanted to start a family so it felt good to come back to Europe and closer to our family in Finland. 

We both love nature, all kinds of outdoor activities, hiking, and living by the sea.

Hamburg is a place where the sea is far away, there are no hills to hike and it rains 190 days per year.

While knowing that it could be a short gig for us, we were open to try it out.

I said it’ll be a good place to have a baby and that became quickly true.

Truthfully, it’s been hard for us to settle in. 

It is not only about the place, and culture, but also Joonas’ job and for sure, having the baby changes things, relationships, needs and people. Life never is about one thing on the surface, it’s deeper.

We don’t love to move or relocated that often purposefully but sacrificing our happiness in any ways is not an option.

If one is not happy, one needs to make some changes.

Years ago I made big life changes and changed my career and life completely by making the leap.

I then learned, just because there were no other options, to let go of the fear of making the needed changes again. I know things can always be sorted out and we can affect on the outcome and make it good.

So we started wondering… 

What if we COULD live in a place where we have the possibilities to ENJOY ourselves fully, expand our HAPPINESS and find a place that feels like HOME? 

We worked with our desires and visions and made a simple list on a piece of paper. Just by thinking if we could really live the life of our dreams and how it would look and feel like?

We had no idea WHERE the place would be or HOW it would happen exactly and if it could even be POSSIBLE. 

I just knew that it was going to happen as we had set some powerful intentions and desires.

I also knew that it was something we were not able to think of OR maybe a place that we didn’t know about yet, so it took some time. 

Last October we went for a vacation in Mallorca, Spain. 

When we sat Stella on the beach right after our arrival, she took a sigh of bliss and enjoyed herself fully.  

We looked at each other. Joonas said we have to live somewhere by the sea. 

During that trip, we started playing with the idea of moving there. 

Based on what we knew we were able to tick all the things on our list.

I am free to work from anywhere as I do everything online. That kind of professional freedom was one of my big goals and dreams after I left corporate career, and started working for myself.

So, we went back in early December to drive around and to see some apartments…

Eventually, things moved forward fast. 

We are moving to Mallorca next week. 

At first for 6 months but if it feels good we’re aiming to stay. Maybe it is that we will live in two different places…  

Joonas just left his job and takes some time off to think his next professional move.

Our apartment is close to the sea, there are mountains nearby where you can hike, cycle, climb and do all the things that we have missed so much. Palma is also close by and a beautiful vibrant city. This is all so exciting!  

The path to this solution was not clear at all.

It was more like a fly’s journey that bumps from window to window until it finds the open door out to the sunlight! 

To make any of our desires and dreams come true steps are never clear or straightforward, but the process - called life - is still so enjoyable and so interesting because the vision and the desires are there to lead the way. 

I would love to know What is your big dream?

Without knowing what you want and direction, we float in life. So dare to connect within, dream and allow yourself to say those thing out loud! What is that what you truly desire?

Sending good vibes, 

Jenni

Is there something in your life that you struggle with but it’s been hard for you to change it?

If you need more and are ready to stop dealing with something you cannot put your finger to or make the changes you desire - or you know clearly what is that what you want to let go and stop struggling with - I’m happy to help. To get started BOOK your free consultation call HERE

Setting boundaries is the key to preventing burnout and exhaustion

The voice in your head says: I don’t want this anymore.

But you don’t listen, even if it doesn’t feel good or right, but you continue putting other people’s needs or work ahead of your own needs, priorities or well-being. 

Adding more things to your never-ending to-do list feels exhaustion, and all those demands terrify you. 

The overwhelm starts to drive you. It feels easier to push aside the negative feelings and try to keep up day by day.

It can be easier to blame life’s busyness, other people’s demands, or the job we don’t like than face the difficulties and how you feel. 

If any of this feels familiar, you are not alone.

I know how all this feels. In the end, it is not about the others or busyness, though and there’s a solution to how you can turn things around and create balance.

10 years ago, I faced a massive burnout.

After separating from a 7-year relationship that felt like a divorce, I decided to put my all into my career. I also created a wild social life, trying to take back the years of the lost youth and years that I had stayed in an unhappy relationship.

It didn’t feel right then, but I didn’t know what else to do or where to go. 

I had no idea how to connect with my cacophonic mind and deal with grief, shame, and betrayal.

So I just tried to numb it, avoid it all, and keep myself going and giving and hoping one day I would be rewarded for all that...

Within a year, things were spiraling down fast. I didn’t know I needed help; maybe because I didn’t know who to turn to, who could help.

I felt isolated and lonely even when there were people around me. I pushed close people away. I was sick all the time and struggled with insomnia and restlessness.

I had heard my inner voice whispering all night that I was exhausted from working late in the evenings  - every minute of my day was scheduled. But I didn’t know another way to be; my life felt empty and meaningless when I did- so I couldn’t stop myself. 

I was so exhausted and afraid I would drop from the tightrope.

one morning, I tried to leave for work after coming back from a short work trip to Paris in the middle of the night.

I couldn’t leave but collapsed on the couch, and the tears I had waited for a year finally came.

I decided it was not the day to drop and put the mask on and left to work, even though I felt shaken by what had happened.

It opened my eyes, and I started making the changes, prioritizing myself and setting boundaries as I realized I was in the lead, and if I didn’t have my well-being, I had nothing.

It took a long time to find ways to heal and keep the balance, but I learned to recognize when my stress levels were getting too high, I couldn’t take it anymore. My nervous system felt sensitized and reactive.

Getting to know yourself, your mind, your habits and your patterns is the key to balance, success and well-being, and your boundaries.

As a  multi-passionate, creative entrepreneur and an empath and intuitive, my energies are often high, and I need a lot of grounding and isolation. I am number 7 in Enneagram, Manifesting Generator in Human Design, and I have been diagnosed with ADHD.

My highest values are changed, love, freedom, and integrity, which lead to everything I do.

I’ve been a people pleaser and struggled with over-giver syndrome and perfectionism all my life. I know all the women in my family have suffered from this; I was raised into unhealthy attachments and have dived deep into healing intergenerational patterns from the body and unconscious mind.

It’s incredibly empowering to heal and learn to choose oneself.

When we change the inner messaging and become aware of our thoughts, behaviors and feelings, we can make the needed changes.

It’s the self-awareness that I have consciously grown and the boundaries that help me react and respond immediately when I notice the signs: the feelings, thought patterns and behaviors that are red flags for me and trying to pull me back to the past, old habits. 

I’ve learned nothing else matters more than prioritizing my well-being and health and making time for daily self-care, tools and strategies that help to recharge and create balance on the go.

The other day I was working with a client, and she asked So, HOW do I set the boundaries?

Here’s how you start setting long-lasting boundaries:

• Start taking notes when you hear yourself saying, “I don’t want this”, “It’s too much”, and you continuously override your own will and desires and resist your well-being. 

• When someone or something repeatedly makes you feel bad, guilty, critical or judgemental - then it’s time to set a boundary and practice expressing them confidently.

• When you notice a pattern or behavior repeating in your life, instead of judging or criticizing yourself, sit down to work on it.

• Take notes and recognize the triggers. Ask how you want to change it.

• When a similar situation or feeling comes, slow down and take time to breathe and listen to yourself what would be right for you?

Knowing your boundaries means knowing when to say a brave yes or no.

You are the one you should please in the first place.  

Saying no actually leads to success. Having personal boundaries makes you feel good about yourself and standing in your power.

You have the power to stop the negative cycles and to heal the past wounds that have kept you repeating them. 

What kind of boundaries do you need? What kind of boundaries have been helpful for you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Love Jenni x

P.S. If you are ready to stop trying to find and keep the balance with work-life and are struggling with overwhelm and exhaustion, I can help. Book your free Clarity call here to get started.

Get in Sync and Manifest Good in the Moment

Many people have asked me how it is to travel and fly with an infant. Some are hesitant to travel with a child. Stella is now 8 months old and has flown several flights, been on road trips and ferry rides - all the ways of transportation there are.

Either she's used to getting out and about and going to places from the early on but she is also an easy-going and curious baby, and now socializing and making contact with other people all the time. Maybe she’s not an introvert like her mama! I had to teach myself later in life how to do it all, she seems to do it naturally or it’s just the phase, we’ll see. Anyway, she makes traveling really easy for us and clearly enjoys observing people and exploring places.

All it requires is good planning around naps and feeding, making sure there's enough quiet time for recharging and avoiding over stimulation, that she gets enough cuddles and feels emotionally safe at all times. Plus ensuring there are opportunities for taking breaks and allow her to move, crawl and practice all those things that are related to this age so she can use all the excess energy she has. 

Also, being prepared for surprises and knowing that things won't go as planned is always a good idea when traveling, whether there is a baby on board or not.

This year we had our family vacation in the South of France, in Nice and Corsica. This trip didn’t come without surprises either.

We had planned to take the car ferry from Nice to Corsica. We knew the boat was fully booked and decided to rush up from the melting hot and fully packed car deck to the lounge area to make ourselves as comfortable as we could and to reserve ourselves seats for the trip.

But… When we got to the lounge area we realized all the seats were numbered, which could only mean they should have been pre-booked. We quickly found out that our tickets only included the deck seats. Basically meaning we would be sitting 6 hours out on the deck or on the floor in the hallway with the baby. 

It was too sunny, windy and wet outside for her. Honestly, I was not too excited to sit on the floor for all that time. I wondered how feeding and naps would go in the narrow but busy hallway where people were passing us all the time. 

However, I couldn't do anything else. 

It reminded me of my low budget travels in my 20's and backpacking trips in Asia and around. The circumstances haven't always been that neat and I've slept in some interesting places.

Somehow this situation smelled like an adventure for me. Yes, family life is quite structured and I'm a personality type who gets bored easily with routine and repetition, so somehow I was able to get a kicks out of our ferry trip.

One of the things Motherhood has so gracefully taught me to let go and surrender like never before and accept what is happening in each moment.

That means that I have to stop doing what I want to, put my phone and laptop away and forget what I’ve had planned when the baby wakes up earlier and when things change suddenly and often, like they do with the kids.

I've learned to shift my mindset and let go of negative feelings on the go more than before, just rise above all that crap my mind would like to stick with. When I just can't do as much as I used to do before - using at least an hour per day to keep up my spiritual practice - I've learned to turn inwards in the moment and shift my thoughts and set intentions without the possibility of journaling or longer meditation or contemplation.

Quite often when we don't have that much time to think it all through we just get things done courageously and efficiently — the mind can’t then get on the way. Often when we think too much our mind creates all kinds of excuses and insecurities - and then we are doomed. The thing is that I had a habit to overthink and I often got stuck and start procrastinating because the inner fears and hesitations kicks in.

All this though has made me become more aware of how powerfully and quickly these conscious shifts of thinking and setting clear intentions can manifest good, and I've been enjoying to play with it.   

So when we sat on that deck I allowed myself to feel the adventure and quickly shifted my thoughts, accepted what is and decided to make it as good as the ferry ride could be. 

Me and my husband have traveled a lot so it helps that neither of us rarely make a scene when things are not going as by the book.

Later in the evening, it turned out we had the best seats in the boat!  

It turned out that the AC was either not working or didn’t even exist in the ferry.

It was melting, over 30 C degrees inside. It was intolerable and people had to escape outside to the deck with their kids and dogs.

We were enjoying cold drinks, the shade and the sea breeze that was blowing from the open doors in our secured spot. Baby napped in the carrier ( a must have to help with babies on the go and at home too) and as I'm still breastfeeding feedings on the go works easily. 

When we are conscious about our thoughts and feelings we can set intentions, shift our mindset and let go of the stressful feelings in the very moment. It always works miraculously and instantly... That is how our energy attracts things and what we put out there comes back to us. All what it requires is self-awareness, self-knowledge and good emotional habits, ability to observe and choose how to respond and react to the events of life.

For example in this situation I could have said “I knew this trip was going to be a disaster. This is just so typical for us, we always….” and then blame and pass it on to my husband, “Why you didn’t book the seats beforehand?” The outcome would have been different.

Now, to learn how to manifest good in the moment, the first thing is to become aware and learn how to change the stories that you tell yourself and your habitual inner beliefs that are mostly not true.

You see, there’s 50-50 chance that anything good or bad can happen in the future or the next moment. It’s 100% better to believe and trust you are always getting the good and the best outcome. No one knows for sure what will happen in the future. Even when the obstacles occur, it’s crucial to learn out of it and have faith there’s a reason for it and move on.

Download the free guide to learn more how to start making changes from inside out and how to release and let go of the stories and start raising your awareness and ability to consciously manifest good in your life.

Get Rid Of Overwhelm

Motherhood has been quite overwhelming for me the last couple of weeks. 

Little Stella just turned 8 months old. She's so big already, that I almost miss the tiny-baby time. Most of the time she’s full of joy and smiles, an active and strong-willed baby who shows a good sense of humour. She’s standing up, crawling and climbing on things, finally she’s getting around on her own, she was so eager to learn it for so long.

All this growth is wonderful; I'm grateful that I'm allowed to watch and help her grow.

It also means that she has been sleeping less during the day and is waking up more often during the nights. Sleep regression, teething and growth leaps… It’s hard for all of us.

On some days I’ve been so tired, overwhelmed and dizzy that I didn’t even know that this level of exhaustion could exist and how one could still function and get things done. Sometimes we really are, super-humans!

It’s quite amazing what our bodies and our brain are capable of but it can’t go on like that for a long time.

A tired brain is scattered, overwhelmed and unproductive. 

Exhaustion lowers our energy levels and it’s hard to focus on anything complex. 

We get irritated and disconnected when we are tired. 

And, everyone knows that long-term exhaustion can lead to issues in every areas of our life. 

As a coach, I believe, and know that we can always change the circumstances for the better. 

We don't have to keep ourselves struggling for long. We don’t need to keep self-sabotaging ourselves.

Even when it feels impossible, the answers always come when we are ready to receive help and guidance. We can always find solutions, when we just stop to think about it and allow ourselves to change our situation.

That’s what I did with my situation with my little one. I stopped complaining, did some research and found solutions to help my little one (and myself) sleep better. Things change so fast with them, I had to ask for help, so I could get some rest.  

All this helped. Bringing awareness to the situation and knowing that I can affect and change my situation felt already relieving and I could make a plan of what to do next.

The biggest reason for overwhelm is the lack of clarity; there’s too much to do.

We tend to have to-do lists that include everything we want and have to do in the near future. Sometimes the days are scheduled so full that it doesn’t leave room for natural changes that life brings: we get sick, someone cancels, something needs to be prioritized, energy levels are low… We get into reaction mode and feel that we have to over-control and micromanage everything. 

Do this to get rid of overwhelm

Plan your weeks beforehand on Sundays:

• Choose three main priorities for the week.
  

• Sketch your weekly schedule so you know what’s coming up.
  

• Set intentions: see things going amazingly well all week and decide how you want to feel at the end of the week.
  

• Ask what are the worries you cannot do anything about? Leave them to the universe.
  

• Schedule time for yourself; exercise, get fresh air and prioritize your own needs. This is non-negotiable: it's the source of your well-being and happiness.
  

When you get used to doing this it’s quick and then you know what’s happening next week and you are prepared for changes. With the plan, you will also set boundaries. Saying no will be easier. You will also feel that you are in the lead and super good you have planned time for yourself.

Know that there's a lot you can do to help yourself when you need help. All you need to do is to get started.

Have you ever encountered a stressful time in your life where overwhelm got the best of you?  How did you manage to overcome it? Let me know in the comments below!

With Love,

Jenni

Change your emotional habits and get over stressful times like a honey badger

This week has been one of those weeks.

Our internet cable literally broke down, the dryer must be fixed, and we have a roof construction going on in the house. The cleaning lady rescheduled. My little one started with a part-time nanny and I'm dealing with separation anxiety, probably more than the baby.

All the scheduling and rescheduling take time and so much energy!

People are coming in and out of the house all the time.

Men are climbing ladders outside my windows, looking in when I'm breastfeeding the baby in the living room or working in my office.

There is no privacy for the person who needs a lot of if and alone time to digest the world around me.

All this could drive me nuts. But, I'm not allowing it to happen.

I have seen this so, so many times and it’s time to take a different, healthier and happier route.

If I would let my emotions take the lead and start stressing, I give my power away and it all goes worse and it will take longer to get over it.

Eventually, I would burst the pressure to someone else, like we often do if we are not able to connect and feel our feelings, and that’s not right either.

Instead of losing my nerve and wasting my energy I observe and choose to respond and react to stressful emotions and chaos calmly with high self-awareness.

Our emotional reactions are learned habits.

We learn all the habits by repetition and by watching others. The way to change our habits is to turn inward and start making a difference. It’s very delicate but the impact in our life is huge: it’s the way to change your life and create new, better paths.

So I breathe, and consciously release the emotions of overwhelm and focus on getting through the week positively, taking care of things one by one and staying present in the moment.

I remind myself to stay centered and grounded like a honey badger. Honey badgers don’t care but focus on essentials, on what they want.

(If you haven't seen the narrated viral video about the crazy nastyass honey badgers, it's super funny. It tells something about my sense of humor. )

Also, laughing reduces the cortisol hormones in the body and calms down the sympathetic nervous system. Watch something funny or shake your ass when life gets too serious or you find it hard to calm down to meditate on it. Like kids in general, our inner child loves when we let loose and get playful.

It would be impossible for me to go through this week without other people’s help.

I appreciate the abundant amount of help. I appreciate help is available. All these people help our family enormously with their knowledge.

For a long time, it was really hard for me to ask for help from others.

I've always had this mentality of a super strong, over-functioning, independent Finnish woman who doesn't need anyone's help.

My old self was a kind of woman who can build her own house by herself if needed.

This is what one construction guy said to me years ago when he renovated my apartment in Helsinki after I showed him how the kitchen needed to be built. I wondered why I paid him as I could have done it myself.

I still remember how I felt inside that time.

After ending a 7-year relationship I felt completely lost, and my brain was scattered due to insomnia and the anxiety I suffered. I had no idea what I should do next in my life, so I tried to over-control everything I could and operated completely from my masculine side. I didn’t allowing myself to stop as I was so afraid of what I would need to face.

I was almost collapsing then but I pushed through. I managed to keep it together until I collapsed a year later.

It was then when I realized that I can't, and don't need to, try to survive on my own and do everything by myself.

I realized there are people who were actually able and willing to help me.

Little by little I started asking for more help in different areas of life.

Today it’s much easier for me as I’ve learned to ask for help and I know when I need to invest in myself and when my own resources are not enough. The most important thing is that I’ve learned to receive help.

As I’ve changed my behavior, I have noticed there’s abundance amount of helpful and kind people around me. All we need to do is to be open, reach out and ask for help.

Help is always showing up in a form or another. Sometimes it shows up as a person, in the form of group or company, a program, a book or online resource, or just a message that is pointing to the new direction.

Sometimes it asks courage to get over my fears to receive it and give myself an opportunity for growth and expansion. May it be personal health and wellbeing, family issue or my work and business.

Our level of self-worth measures the ability of receiving.

I believe we can learn to do pretty much anything successfully if we just put our energy and efforts in. I could still do all kind of things by myself but nowadays, if it’s not my cup of tea, I don’t want to.

I don’t need to know everything or do everything by myself, anymore.

It’s much easier to have set boundaries and focus on what we are best at and absolutely love to do. Let other people do use their expertise.

The most difficult part to getting over stressful emotions and moments is to learn to step out of your own resistant ego-mind and give yourself a permission to feel happy and good about yourself.

That can only happen when you are present and mindful about your thoughts, your feelings and the chatter of your ego-mind.

You have the power to change your reality and rise your energy by changing your emotional habits:

• Watch and observe your emotional reactions and responses.

• Get out from your own way and emotions.

• Make changes consciously.

• Choose to behave differently.

• Repeat and learn.

Don’t worry if you don’t get it right immediately but be determined. Life will give you as many rounds of practice as needed, until you have changed the old pattern.

Help is available when life feels complicated and it's hard to see clearly what to do and where to go next.

Or your internet cable needs fixing.

What is the area of life that you could use some help with?

Much love,

Jenni

My journey to emotional freedom

Like most parents, I want my daughter to have a wonderful, happy childhood and to be the best mama I can be for her. 

In my last blog I shared how becoming a mother drove me to the next level of spiritual growth and awareness.

I’ve recently discovered cultural and ancestral patterns that have been running in my family for generations. That means I’ve worked with old wounds that crawled up from my subconscious along with motherhood. Yes, I'm diving into the depths of self-healing.

I’m highly motivated to do this work because I don’t want to pass my old stories and limiting beliefs on to my daughter. I want better for her, and when I do the work everyone, both me and my family, will benefit from it greatly. 

Already before her birth, I knew what I want to teach my child about life.

• I want her to learn she’s good enough and capable of achieving whatever she decides to do in her life.

• I want her to know it’s okay to make mistakes; challenges can be overcome and embraced as important milestones of growth.

• I want her to learn how to feel her feelings so she can be her authentic self and express herself easily.

It’s important for me to show her that these skills are the greatest drivers of creating a happy and meaningful life.

It’s all what I didn’t learn until later in my adulthood when I started my own journey of growth and consciously creating the life I want to live.

I am also (almost painfully) aware my daughter will have her own life lessons she needs to learn and I cannot protect her or smooth the way for her completely, no matter how much I may want to.

But I can do my share and consciously change the conditioning that is not serving her or me.

As I have chosen to do this work, I get to learn and release these patterns in everyday life.

My first Mother’s Day was quite an emotional one.

There were expanded feelings of happiness and joy when I got to spend the day with my little family, who pampered me so sweetly.  

There were also sudden feelings of self-doubt and anxiety, that I had not been able to recognize before. 

Instead of ignoring these intense feelings, I stopped to bring awareness to them and to find out what kind of stories lie behind these feelings.

I worried whether I can ever be a good enough mama to her as I feel flawed, vulnerable, and imperfect. 

These uncomfortable feelings revealed a huge insight for me:

I realized that if I don’t let my daughter see me as I am — and able to receive her love fully — I would be abandoning her emotionally and rejecting her love.

Then I as a parent would repeat exactly what I was unconsciously taught in my childhood: love needs to be earned and if I just give, give, give and be a perfect, good girl, then I’d be lovable.

It was a huge breakthrough for me to finally find the root cause for the fear of abandonment and the lack of sense of belonging. Both these have caused me all kinds of struggle, disease, relationship issues and fears. 

It took a while for me to understand how I had not been able to, and how difficult it was for me to fully receive love.

After realizing all this and changing my limiting beliefs, stories and patterns — and the energies related to them — I soon felt lighter and confidently rooted within my own being.

Now when I bond with my little girl I feel at ease. Looking at her loving eyes doesn’t make me hesitate any more. I started feeling deeper connection not only with her but with my husband, my parents and family - and especially with myself.

Self-acceptance and the ability to receive love are the foundations of deep and intimate relationships with ourselves and others.

By being our authentic selves and showing that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, our kids, and we as adults can learn to accept ourselves and understand we are good enough and lovable as we are. It’s never too late to start making these changes. 

When we choose to take responsibility and do the inner work it shifts our energy, helps to heal relationships and allows us to become free to do and be our authentic selves.

And that’s powerful and something many people are craving for, because when these old stories and conditioning are changed, you can change your habits; get healthy; release physical conditioning, limiting fears and blockages that prevent you from creating a happy, fulfilling life that looks and feels like you.

When we face any kind of difficulties with others one of the greatest questions we can ask ourselves is:

How am I creating this? 

I know it's not easy to take responsibility when it feels like everyone else is creating the issues or like life is resisting your aims. It takes some courage to ask this question of yourself and be willing to recognize and face the truth behind it.

But if you dare to take the path to growth and listen carefully, you will get insightful answers and your own wisdom and guidance will help move you forward. 

Changing ourselves is the only way to affect and change others. I’ve seen this happening in my own life and my clients' lives over and over again. 

Your happiness and wellbeing depends on you. You are not your limited by how or where you grew up or what others do.

Your life is your creation and in the same way you have created it so far, you can make changes and redesign it consciously. You only need to make the choice and get started.

Much love, Jenni

P.S. If you like this blog, head HERE to order my newsletter it was originally shared with my readers. When you subscribe you will get free resources, inspiration, guidance and much more.

RELATED BLOG: Are you repeating your parent's mistakes or your old family patterns?

Are you waiting for the right time and things be perfect?

Hello!

It’s been a while since I sat down to write to you. Having baby Stella at the end of December started a completely new phase of life, and a life-long duty, called motherhood. I have loved being with the little one and having a family has changed my life in so many good ways.

Baby is now on her long afternoon nap and the house is quite a mess. My mind reminded me there are tons of “better” things to do than sit down to write to you, which I have tried to finish I don’t know how many times.

Before her birth I planned to take a few months off from working with clients and enjoy this precious time and possibility to be with her, while writing and taking care of the other side of my business aside. I have this urge to create and contribute and I’m used to work a lot -- it’s simply part of my nature and I love what I do.

It’s been a challenge to combine these two desires.

The last months have been transformational: basically all areas of life have demanded adjustments and inner work, while going through a massive personal upgrade and identity change that motherhood often puts us through.

I’m lucky I had a chance to stay at home and take time to be with the baby, heal after the birth and take my time to adjust for the first couple of months. (It should be a birthright for the new moms and their babies.)

After things got a little steadier and I had more time, it started weighing on me why I didn’t take time for myself and do what’s important to me.

I had crafted a solid, easygoing plan on how to get started again. Baby is sleeping on schedule, so I pretty much know when and how much time I have. My husband is happy to be with the baby after work and on the weekends.

I ran out of excuses, so I stopped to see what was going on.

• I was comparing myself to others… when I looked at other people with newborn children in social media I thought what’s wrong with me. They seemed to have everything in order and were living a picture-perfect life, there were no signs of greasy hair or old yoga pants.  

• Continuous distractions got me off track... When I got back to it this highly critical inner voice said what I’d created is not good enough, so I started writing something else and then ended up not finishing anything.

• I waited for a better time... when this chaos and overwhelm would pass; baby getting through growth spurts; learning to eat from the bottle; when I have a babysitter and so forth…  

I didn’t give myself permission to start until everything would be perfect.

I have a lot to share about this so called “mom guilt” that hit me, the need to be perfect, irreplaceable, micromanage and do something all the time, mainly to show myself that I'm a good enough mother, and not abandoning my child if I take some time for myself.

I realized there will always be something going on and life with kids is overwhelming and chaotic, but also fun and happy.

So I decided…

… to stop letting these learned ideals, patterns and my inner stories control me.

… to stop cleaning the house out of the “mom habit” when the baby sleeps.

… 15 minutes is a long time and I work when I can. When I can’t, I relax.

… it’s finally time to let go of perfectionism. I simply don’t have time for it anymore.

I gave myself a permission to do things I want to do and adjust it all to this new life.

If we are not trying and doing what calls us, we never know what’s possible.

If we let fear-based stories lead life or if we constantly compare ourselves to others it certainly destroys creativity and courage and we never dare to put ourselves out there.

It doesn’t matter at what stage of life you are or what you want to do. May it related to your career, relationships, your personal goals or big dreams. You got to start from somewhere.

Are you waiting until things are perfect? To get started, ask yourself:

• What are your excuses or stories that you tell yourself?

• Are you sure they are true?

• If you took action now, how would it make you feel?

To make this blog happen I sought advice from my blog on how to boost productivity by using this brilliant method that helps you remove distractions and resistance, and get things done fast when time is limited. Read it here

Let me know in the comments below if this resonates.

Love, Jenni

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Reflect on your year before setting New Year resolutions

The Holidays will soon be over here... I know you must be busy finishing up everything so you can relax for a couple of days before welcoming the New Year and setting your resolutions and visions.

I hope your year has been as successful and full of joy as you intended it to be. And I hope you are feeling proud of yourself (this was one of my “feeling” intentions for 2018) and those conscious accomplishments you made real this year.

Even if you feel that this year really sucked and you would just rather move forward without thinking about any of the mistakes or failures (that we all have had), hiding your head in the sand doesn’t help.

In fact, it does the opposite and only makes you carry those issues forward and replay them over and over again.

Nothing new can be built on regrets or resentment. You need to take the lessons and clean your mental and emotional closets to create space for the new.

So before you rush yourself to the new year… take some the time yet to stop and reflect on 2018.

Closing the book of life yearly is mentally, spiritually and emotionally as important as finalizing your bookkeeping and doing your taxes. Yes, we need to face the ugly truth and that’s helping you to let go of it. 

Making these end of year reflections is needed for reasons:

• You will clearly see how you have actually done and what you have accomplished (self-empowerment & praise!).

• You become free from self-blame and resentment (forgiveness).

• You know what is working or not working for you (wisdom).

• You can learn from your obstacles (growth).

After you have done this exercise, you can let yourself off the hook - the table is clean and you have clarity and your head is full of wonderful insights. You’ll feel free to plan your life forward.

Here’s how to reflect on your past year:

1. Make a nice cup of something and get a piece of paper or your journal.

2. If you have one, get out your list of desires and goals or your calendar of the year.

3. Start from January and go through your life month by month and list all the accomplishments and good things that happened during your year.

   • Think of the reasons why it worked out so wonderfully for you.

   • Don’t hold yourself back from paying attention to “small” things - they are just as important.  

4. Next make a list of things that didn’t work out: goals you didn’t achieve, mistakes or failures that happened.

   • Ask yourself what could you have done differently?

   • Write down the reasons why you think it didn’t work out. This is not to blame yourself, others or the circumstances. Reflect objectively.

   • What can you learn from it?

5. Go through your reflections to see what’s working for you, what makes you happy and what you want to continue doing next year - but also what do you need to let go of and clear from your plate.

It’s really empowering to clean the clutter and boldly remove some of the old things hanging on our to do lists that will never ever happen.

By doing this kind of exercise yearly you will stop repeating the same cycles and can change things confidently.

But also, we are often so hard on ourselves and too busy to praise ourselves enough... so celebrate your accomplishments!  

Then it’s time to set those powerful intentions, goals and desires for the next year.

If it’s not part of your yearly routine yet I highly recommend making a list of intentions and desires for 2019. It’s a simple list of everything you want to have, be and create during the next year and this - the power of intention - is proven to work really well.

This is my personal way to start the New Year and it’s amazing to go back to those old desires at the end of year and witness how amazingly things have flowed forward, how much I have done and achieved - and simply seeing clearly what do I need to let go.

If you have a question or another practice or exercise you like to use, please share in the comments below.

Much love and Happy Holidays,

Jenni

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My early childhood experiences blocked me from making money and allowing success

I was not different from other little girls when I was dreaming about being a ballet dancer at the age of five.

I’ve always been an aesthete, picky about the colors and clothes I put on, and I love flowing movement combined with everything beautiful.   

Last Spring I was in Nice, France for a long-awaited girls' weekend with my sister. On Sunday morning I went for a run on the beach promenade and on my way there I saw a gorgeous ballet tutu in a window.

I stopped to admire it and an old memory just popped up from nowhere.

I was born in a tiny village in the East of Finland and there were no proper ballet schools around.

I was living the dream when I heard a ballet teacher was on tour and would come to our suburb to teach a ballet course, and when my parents agreed, after a lot of convincing and stubborn begging, that I could go and they even bought me a simple white ballet tutu. I wore it at home all the time!  

I got to go to a couple of classes. Then the teacher disappeared.

Everyone was worried about her.

When the truth came out - she had left and stolen the money everyone had paid - it was a huge shock to our community and my family. There was a lot of hatred towards her.

I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how someone so nice, who was teaching and representing something so beautiful, could do that.

My father had to go to court to be a witness.

I remember I was afraid that they would take him too! I didn’t understand the whole thing and no one was even trying to explain it to me. My parents didn’t understand how much it was affecting me.

It was my first huge disappointment and my first experience of betrayal and crime.

She smashed my dream and the whole experience left deep wounds in me. I never got to go to the ballet classes, however I never say never but believe it’s never too late to learn new if we are willing.   

While this happened many decades ago, when I started working with it I found that these profound self-limiting beliefs were still someways affecting me.

When I got into it and did the work, I recognized the beliefs that were limiting me in many areas of life:

• It’s not safe for me to trust people: anyone can take away my success and dreams.

• I always need to be alert and in control to avoid disappointments and hurt.

• Money is evil and causes a lot of trouble for everyone.

All this had caused procrastination, which made me struggle with unworthiness, pushing myself forward and then pulling myself back before achieving my goals successfully.  

I couldn’t believe I still had these stories in me!

I had hidden this painful memory deep down until it suddenly triggered and only then could I start releasing these beliefs that sabotaged my happiness and success.

It all shifted quickly when I realized the connection, what caused it, and how it made me think and act.

Old hurts and beliefs are not necessarily affecting you in similar situations to the way you experienced them.

Usually, the blocks trigger different kinds of situations, which are bringing up the same emotion.

These early memories and experiences keep us from getting and doing what we want, limiting our ability to naturally expand and take our life to the next level; start new things; change our habits and patterns; receive love, success, and abundance.

Therefore, releasing the emotional attachment of the old painful experiences is the key to changing our patterns and habits, setting ourselves free to create a life, relationships and career that we want.

There is always an explanation for it, we are not powerless against our self-beliefs or victims of our past: when you change your mind you can change your thoughts and habits.

With love,

Jenni

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6 factors to manifest anything you want

To create a life of your desires you need to know what you really want.

The biggest obstacle to many people and why they feel stuck in their life and unable to change the old repetitive cycles, is because they miss the big picture. They don’t really know what kind of changes they want and what kind of future they are aiming to create.

Often they limit themselves because they don’t believe they are deserving and worthy of having what they want. They stay in victim mentality and believe the past will repeat itself automatically. These limiting beliefs and mindsets are blocking the way.

I know the feeling. For a long time I thought that we don’t have the power to change things and that events happen because they just happen; so I kept suffering. I gave the decision-making to other people and thought it was the universe’s call to decide for me.

I was afraid things would get worse, and so they did year by year.

Until I was ready to take responsibility and asked: what if it was me who created it all?

It was a profound thought and empowered me to start my personal happiness project, which led to me changing my life completely by learning how to be a conscious creator.

Setting clear visions and intentions for the future is crucial for anyone who wants to lead their life consciously and increase their happiness, success and wellbeing - on their own terms.

My approach to manifesting and creating life consciously is unique, as I don’t only use these principles for the big long-term visions and goals, but I also teach how to use them on a daily basis.

We are the creators and can shift our lives by making these 6 elements part of daily life.

Real happiness can only be experienced in the moments, and those moments set the foundation for your future. The better you feel about yourself, the faster you attract good things in your life.

6 Factors to Manifest Anything You Want

1. Stop acknowledging where you are at and what is going on in your life right now.

It was just recently when one of my lovely clients said: “I didn’t even realize how I actually don’t know myself anymore.” Busy life disconnects and if we have to stop often to see where we are at and check in if we are moving to right direction.

2. Get clear on what you don’t want.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive and someone could think it’s against the growth mindset and setting positive expectations and intentions that I always talk about. But this doesn’t mean staying in the negative or focusing on it. It’s actually a way to declutter the mind and throw out the bad stuff. Getting clear on what you don’t want helps you clarify what you actually want!

3. List what you do want.

Reversing the first list helps you get started and then it’s easier to allow more ideas to come! It’s easier to start if you focus on one area of life, i.e. relationships, career, money, health, or yourself. Go into detail. Have more than enough intentions, ideas, feelings and go above what your common sense believes you can have. Simply allow yourself to pour out everything you want. Focus only on fulfilling your desires by opening your mind to impossible desires and visions.

4. Clear your unconscious limiting beliefs, and emotional blocks.  

Remove the underlying, often unconscious thought patterns and habits that are blocking your way. These are simply what you have learned in your past based on your earlier experiences. Make peace with them. To change your reality consciously, and get what you want, you need to believe and feel that what you want is possible and available to you; this is needed to manifest your desires successfully. Work and release your beliefs, elevate your thinking and up level your old mindset so that you can align your mind and your feelings with your future visions. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, and keep shifting them all the time.

5. Use your imagination, feelings and visualize.

Visualizing simply means that you imagine and feel your future desires and you connect with them deeply, as though you have already achieved them. See the end result in your mind’s eye; feel it with your feelings; and experience in your body and your mind that it has already happened. No need to focus on the hows, own your visions, and you will find a way. Magnetize your visions by doing a vision board - make them really clear to yourself. Visualize your desires daily! It brings a lot of energy, inspiration and joy, and helps you believe in your visions.

6. Focus on the now and take inspired action.

Let go of the idea and the outcome, detach from it: don’t become obsessed and needy about your desires. Surrender to it and open yourself to receiving. But, don’t just sit and wait for things to happen, you need to move things forward. This is something most people don’t realize. You need to take inspired, conscious action towards your desires and goals by thinking and then doing what you can do now and act when the new ideas show up. Then you have done what’s needed so act like you already have it and trust it’s all happening. Make your days as good and enjoyable as you can - even though things are not yet as you wish them to be, focus on seeing and embracing the good side of it.

These principles are the keys for manifesting, that work for anyone who wants to start leading their life and create their reality consciously - from day to day life to long-term visions.

One of the most powerful ways to start changing things in your life is to discover and connect with your real future visions and real desires.

You can start by downloading my free Discover Your Future Visions Visualization Meditation. 

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Know Yourself Beyond the Thoughts

Last week I was in Greece at the Know Thyself retreat with Eckhart Tolle.

He is warm, compassionate and surprisingly funny. He is a weird and extremely wise human being, and yes, he still has an ego.

I didn’t really know what to expect from the retreat but my intention was to deepen my consciousness.

I have never taken fewer notes in a retreat or seminar than I did on this retreat. I have always taken a lot of notes but this time I wanted to stop focusing on my notes, over-achieving, and instead focus on being, breathing and allowing it soak in.

It was part of the practice and it worked well.

I got a great reminder of why I started doing the work I’m doing today. It all started from the present, through my own, not that gentle experience, of awakening.

With all acceptance of and detachment from my past, I have to say it could have been a lot easier if I hadn’t resisted the change so much but listened to my inner voice.

It’s very common for people to say life or universe, higher powers, god, however you call it, doesn’t want me to do or have this.

Or they think the universe needs them to go through something the hard way.

It’s not true, the limitless, abundant universe wants all the best for you.

Each and every moment we create our reality; the manifestations are based on our choices: from thoughts and feelings to reality.

Most people are just not conscious about it. They don’t want to stop to see it, as their unhappy repetitive stories keep them stuck in their minds and resisting their goodness.

I can relate.

For years I was waiting for the “sign” and the right time and in the meantime I kept suffering. I didn’t see there were signs all around me. It was roaring in my ears while I kept myself struggling.

I lived in denial without the ability to face the challenges and the feelings I felt, trying to shut down the calling and my desires to become a creator. It all made me feel that I was living a trapped life.

I learned that becoming aware of your thoughts and you can then recognize the mind patterns.

For me, spirituality means and is one important part of us, it’s part of humanness. It’s not a religion, nothing that someone has or hasn’t, it’s awareness about the essence of the self. It’s a key to happiness and contentment.

Once you become aware of the awareness, presence and the conditioned self, you become free.

It’s the learned old beliefs and emotional concepts that keep people in the cycle of self-sabotage.

To have a life you love, you have to create it consciously.

Getting over obstacles and challenges, that will never go away completely, becomes a lot easier when there is self-awareness and non-judgemental unconditional acceptance.

Acceptance (and forgiveness) is the key to releasing and changing anything. Accepting our situation, ourselves, and others are the keys leading to consciousness and sense of self - being you requires no time at all.

At any moment peace can be found in the presence, connecting with it by breathing and sense of self.

The more open we are to receiving, the easier it is to make good choices and put in the conscious effort that will open up more possibilities for us.

The answers and creative solutions can be found from stillness, behind the distracted mind.

Learn to listen.

Practice being present and learn the habits of becoming aware and connecting with the self. Life is not satisfying if the spaciousness is missing.

My biggest takeaway from the retreat was the “hurry slowly” practice that became part of my days.

I’ve been balancing between the high-intensity energy, creative bursts, that have kept me in the doing mode, thinking about the next thing in the future, and the total being mode when nothing happens.

Hurry slowly means that I consciously connect with the presence, checking my thoughts and feelings and the space behind it. I want to balance the yin-yang, push-pull feeling and bring more being and doing together.

How to do it?  

Set the timer and stop for a couple of minutes every hour to check in and do nothing, think nothing and just breathe.

Breathing, which is automatic and a gift itself, connects with the consciousness, our higher selves and the body.

You breathe is always with you. That’s the way to create more time too. There’s no time in presence. Or there’s as much time as you need.

We don’t have to be totally zen or aim to attain complete thoughtlessness or egolessness. Our mind also protects us, keeps us safe.

We don’t need to meditate hours daily, sacrifice our sleep, or over-achieve the spiritual practices, or do years of soul-searching.

Little things matter, you don’t need time to find the best version of yourself. It’s already there: you are here.

Connect behind the cacophony, and enjoy the yourself. You deserve goodness and happiness, now.

Becoming free from ourselves requires conscious awareness:

Learn to recognize your thoughts and feelings to let go of the past with unconditional acceptance.

Elevate your thinking, rise above the obvious.

Ask questions, don’t believe the old stories you tell yourself.

Get support.

When you are willing to change and are ready to heal, it will happen. What you want wants you.  

How can you deepen your consciousness? How could you listen to yourself better?

I’d love to hear from you! Ask questions, or comment below what habits or changes have worked for you!

Much love, Jenni

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What to do when you hit your inner blockages

One of my favorite books about self-growth, that I always go back to, is Gay Hendricks' ‘The Big Leap’.

In this book he writes about our inner upper limits, those inner glass ceilings, that hold us back from reaching our Zone of Genius.

When we are operating in our Zone of Genius, we are shining and passionately doing what we absolutely love, and we are using our unique gifts and natural talents.

We all have special attributes that no one else has, but most people have no idea what they might be — and they believe they don’t have what they need within to fulfil their desires and passions. 

The foundation of happiness, success, and the basis of all the good in our lives is to do what you really want and need to do.

When you operate in YOUR zone of genius, you use your real potential

Usually you get into a flow mode when you are operating in your genius. Time doesn’t matter, you absolutely feel free and operate in a high, intensive energy mode.

The other three areas are called the Zone of Incompetence (things that are not your cup of tea but you still do them, even though you hate it), the Zone of Competence (things you can do and be good at but it’s not that exciting - if feels like something’s missing) and the Zone of Excellence (you are successful and have done the work to create it all but in the long run, you feel bored and like you are living on autopilot).

Wherever you are now, when you want to elevate to another level and make some changes — maybe a new career step; starting a new relationship; speaking on stage; writing a book; or making any of your long-term desires come true, or really anything that requires you to get over yourself — you have to be aware of inner resistance, which Gay calls an Upper Limit Problem.

Upper limits are your inner glass ceilings

Upper limit problems occur when we are making changes and expanding towards the new. They are the self-limiting stories, subconscious beliefs, and repeating patterns that — when triggered — quickly sabotage us from elevating our lives to the next level.

In his book, Gay calls these ULPs’ an inner thermometer. When the heat rises the thermometer blows.

I see them as and call them inner glass ceilings. These are invisible, unconscious mental and emotional limitations that can block your way to happiness and success — if you are not aware of them.

You can see through the glass to where you want to go, and to what you want, and you know you have what it takes.

But when the big moment of taking a step towards the goal arrives, somehow you just fail or something weird happens that prevents you from proceeding.

You suddenly get sick, there are problems with other people or another circumstance arises that stops you from moving forward. It can feel like higher powers are conspiring against you.

And that can make you think "It was not for me", "I can't do this", "It's too difficult" or "This always happens to me." and you want to give up all too soon. You see it as a sign that it’s not working.

But then is not the time to give up. Instead it’s time to understand and to learn why you got scared!

It’s time to turn inwards, to look back and connect with yourself internally and to see what is really going on with you: create clarity so that you can change it.

This is how subconscious patterns protect and keep you safe from failure or greater success. The reason why this happens is all based on your previous experiences and old, learned patterning.

The mind thinks there is “danger” in what you are aiming to do and subconsciously you believe it could cause similar pain, and bring up the old hurts you experienced in your past. It doesn’t necessarily have to be exactly the similar experience, it’s enough that it is triggering the same emotions.

Your mind’s job is to keep you safe and it does it in every way it can, even with self-sabotage and making you sick - if you are not aware of it.

Our mind doesn't like change, and earlier harmful experiences have created a safety zone that we would rather stay in, than take a risk and try to do it again.

Relationships are a great example. So many people want to find real love and have a balanced relationship but they can’t throw themselves into them - something always happens, things tend to end in the same way. Commitments are always risky but the rewards are great, right? And a good relationship with others and with ourselves requires constant care, growth, awareness, and communication.

How to release upper limits

1. Look closer and deeper at the situation and within: there’s something you haven’t recognized. 

2. Recover and take time to heal it, we all do our best: self-compassion and acceptance is needed.

3. Work to release your inner fears and limiting beliefs: they will keep coming back until you change them.

4. Don’t take no for an answer: find another way. 

5. Time is irrelevant, don’t mind about delays; you can always try again. 

6. Believe there’s a better time and a better way to get there: focus on the now and create possibilities from the inside out.  

With love and gratitude,
Jenni

P.S. Often the problems occur when we simply don’t have clarity on what the next steps are or if we are miss the big picture of what we want from life. To help you create clarity around your real desires, you can download my Connect with your future self meditation

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Create More time and Minimize Distractions with these 4 steps

If you are like me, it's hard for you to keep your hands off your phone when you get a message or when a new notification pops up.

I used to struggle with how easily I could slip down the social media rabbit hole. It would happen many times a day when I was just "quickly checking on something." And suddenly time went by.

It made me feel lousy that I was wasting so much time, plus I felt I didn’t have any control over myself! I was constantly late and behind schedule and that meant my days got longer as I tried to fit everything in. I was always wondering, where does all the time go?

When I tracked what was causing the distractions and how much time I was wasting online every day, I decided it was vital to set clear boundaries for myself (my mind actually), so I could keep my focus and get things done efficiently - and feel good about myself in the process.

It requires true willpower to stay away from the phone when it’s the alarm clock; social and business network; entertainment system; library; assistant; and office. And that really is what our mobile device represents to us nowadays.

It's difficult to resist because we are talking about something that is extremely addictive.

Mobile phones, email, and social media wire our brains in ways it's not accustomed to being wired.

We have started to believe that we need to be contactable and available at all times. Our brain has got so distracted and disturbed that we don’t actually know how to be present without doing anything but enjoying ourselves and paying attention to the life we are living.

I believe we are talking about a bigger problem than we yet even realize.

Many believe they are the only one suffering with certain issues, and that everyone else lives happy stress-free lives. That’s a social media bubble and it’s not true.  

It's so easy to grab your phone first in the morning. Then, before even waking up properly; without setting up the day; or even saying good morning to yourself or to anyone else, your rat race has started and your day is already being driven by the demands of your phone.

It will ruin your day if you open up a message that immediately activates your stress hormones.

This could be an email that you need to react to right away; something bad you see in the news; maybe you find out there’s a huge catastrophe at work; or you discover your ex has met someone new.

Whatever it is, it can immediately cause angst. Negative thoughts and emotions then quickly run out of your control and your day starts in the wrong mood!

All the wonderful communication possibilities mobile devices offer can make you feel like you can’t lead your life, or never even have enough time to live your days, peacefully.

This can be changed. You can either give your power away or choose to respect yourself; your priorities; the connection with your loved ones; and your well-being, by setting clear boundaries.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Switch off all unnecessary notifications and put your phone on silent when you need to focus. Leave your phone in another room if its presence haunts you on your desk.

2. Create a morning routine and start your day by being present, focusing on your breathing for a while or with a short meditation.

3. Create clarity around your schedule and set intentions for your days.

4. Take breaks and recharge yourself, so your brain is not exhausted continuously. Do nothing for a couple of minutes in between all the “doing”.

The benefits are clear:

• When there are no constant beeps and pop-ups, there won't be any temptation to react and respond to those notifications. You, therefore, won't be sucked into your inbox or into a social media hole for hours.  

• You are more mindful of what happens and how you feel, and can then react and respond to events mindfully.

• You will have more energy, clarity, and time.

• Switching off your notifications is a fast and straightforward way to increase your productivity and your ability to stay calm and focused: you will feel happier as you are mastering your schedule and creating a better day for yourself - which is what we all want!

How valuable would that be for you?

Leave a comment letting me know how you manage distractions or what is causing problems for you. Ask questions! What rules have you set around your phone and internet usage and how well are those rules working for you?

To help you create successful, intentional days, you can download the printable daily page of my Clarity Planner.  

Love, Jenni

How To Make Confident Decisions

People would rather avoid making decisions (sometimes for years!) than think it through and face what they need to face. They don’t feel ready to make the decision that would take away all the pressure and move things forward quickly.

Indecisiveness is a very common habit. Yes, a habit.

It is based on self-doubt; insecurities; fear or lack of courage; and simply an inability to listen to the self and inner truth.

In more serious situations, it causes procrastination, anxiety, low self-image, addictions, and even suffering to others.

I remember when I was younger and hung out with my girlfriends. Together we discussed whether someone should send a text to her date or not; or if someone should stop dating a guy; or what that guy really meant by what he’d said. Or where the heck he disappeared to!

No one advised that we should just ask the guy, or even asked the girl what she thought would be the right thing for her to do.

And of course, it went on and on with almost everything: what to wear; or eat; what to do in life; and so forth. It was not really about giving empowering advice or allowing the one who was looking for help to decide for herself.

It was just endless comparison, which most often is based on the other person’s life views and experiences (often insecurities, jealousy, and disappointments). Usually, the one who everyone tried to help just felt more confused and indecisive.

Maybe you can relate to this?

The more people we ask, the more varying opinions we get. And the more lost we may feel.

Comparison destroys clarity and confidence.

What’s behind it

Often it’s a learned belief that others are more capable of making choices for them. Sometimes it’s a need to please and a conflicted way to earn love and acceptance.

Or they are afraid of judgment, of being seen as too bossy, ambitious, or powerful if they make confident decisions and know and express what they want.

There can be a deep fear of making mistakes or of failure.

However, we can fail and things can go terribly wrong just because decisions are not made early enough.

They feel they can gain more confidence and hide their insecurities by letting other people make decisions or listening to other’s opinions.

Some people struggle with making decisions because they don’t want to take responsibility for their lives and the results of their choices.

But no one else can make the right choices for you, no one knows better than you; it’s something you must do for yourself.

That’s why I usually advise that people only talk with someone who they trust and who will be wise enough to stay away from pushing their own opinions or agenda.

There’s a difference between helping someone to find their truth and telling them what they should do.

Letting other people make decisions for you means giving your power and control away.

Don’t give the lead in your life to others: everything in your life should be based on the choices you make.

With simple choices, it’s not that big a deal but with major life decisions, it’s dangerous.

Take initiative in your own life.  

Here are 10 key things I have learned about confidence:

1. Confidence is the ability to hear your ideas, thoughts, and feelings and trust them.

2. It is built through repeated acts of everyday courage to say yes and no.

3. It is an empowering feeling that replaces your existing habits of self-doubt and fear.

4. It’s not a fixed skill that some people have and some don’t. Everyone has fears and insecurities.

5. No problem or worry exists if you can do something about it. There are always solutions and possibilities. Trust and wait until you know.

6. When you change your behavior you change your mind(set), and your physics (energy) - those two things will start to change the situation.

7. Criticism, procrastination, self-doubt or victimizing all lead to lower confidence and decreased self-esteem.

8. Feelings are natural, but your behavior and thoughts are a choice - by changing your thoughts you can create more positive feelings.

9. Lack of clarity and self-control can feel like a confidence issue.

10. Practice your confidence and decision making skills by stopping shortly before you make any decisions. Ask yourself what is the right thing for you and then decide if it’s a YES or NO.

Sometimes “I don’t know” is a very good answer and you can take time until you know.  

Great decisions are always made when the heart, mind, and gut are connected.

Before you reach that point, quiet down and sit with yourself to get really clear on what you want and need:

• What is the question you need an answer to?

• How would you want things to go?

• What are the options?

• What feels right for you?

Recognize the feelings and fears. Are they really, absolutely true and worth holding on to? Stop listening to what the world says you should do. When you really think about it, you cannot know if your worst fear will come true, we cannot avoid risks.

Deep inside you know what you want.

Often the answer is an intuitive feeling, something that you have probably “known” all the time.

It’s okay if it feels a little intimidating, as that's when it’s usually right. Most often the best decisions come from doing the thing that scares you.

Nothing changes if you don’t change it. Life is unknown.

Expect the positive best outcome. Trust that everything always works for you.

Trust your gut and respect yourself by making your own decisions.  

To help you make the changes and decisions faster, I wanted to share my transformational, super relaxing courage boosting meditation that helps to reduce self-doubt and activate the perfect confidence you already have in you.

Click here to access this free meditation audio. To get more inspiration, join my weekly newsletter here.

Much love,

Jenni

The Glad Show with Laureen Ellison: I didn't only want a new job but a whole new life

On this episode of the Glad Show I talk with one of my clients, Laureen Ellison, who was able to dramatically change her life. We look at what changed and why, and talk about how Laureen consciously created the circumstances for this big leap in her career and life.

Why it's important to get really clear About what you want

Laureen is a successful powerhouse and a career woman in marketing and communications. She is the breadwinner of her family, mom of two and she loves travel, sports, and design. Today she’s living in Amsterdam with her family after living in New York City for more than 10 years.

In this conversation, Laureen is sharing what she did and how she was able to change from the  frustrating “not knowing” (other than she wanted something else, a new, bigger life but she didn’t know what it was or how to get access to it) mode to self-awareness and daily connection to self.  Trusting that she has what it takes to lead her life towards her desires consciously.

In just a couple of months Laureen made a big leap and shifted her life consciously based on her real desires: she found a new exciting job that took her and her family to live abroad, getting to travel to exotic places, while at the same time the new day to day life allows more time to be present and enjoy her family.  

All this is what she at some point thought was impossible. 

We talk about:

• What’s required for upleveling your career.

• How you become free to know what you really want next.

• How the culture and external demands often lead us far away from happiness, who we are and what we can do in life.

• What to do when the challenges come and it feels like there’s a bump in the road.

• The ways to start manifesting the big desires to come true.

• What the recipe to being successful and content in all areas of life is.

And much more!

This episode is great for anyone who wants to change their career and take it to the next level. For those who want to follow their passions but can’t currently connect to what it is they should do next or how to make the big shifts and move consciously forward.

Watch it here

After you have watched leave a comment below and share your thoughts or any questions you might have! 

Much love,
Jenni

P.S. Subscribe the Glad Show here and get email updates, inspiration, free resources and more.

How to Re-Program Your Mind Using Affirmations

Talk yourself into success and start consciously creating your life

We have all heard of affirmations: positive statements you repeat to yourself over and over. Their aim is to override old subconscious programming and change negative thought patterns and beliefs; in doing this, you set yourself free to do and achieve what you want, be it improving your health, career, relationships, finances or preparing yourself for any specific situation that requires stretching out of your comfort zone.

While it may sound good in theory, many people struggle to make affirmations work.

This is due to lack of specificity and knowledge of how to create affirmations that work personally for them in their specific situations.

Why affirmations may not work:

• You don’t fully believe in your goal or what you are saying to yourself.

• You’re using negative or future-oriented language in your affirmations, which is confusing to the mind which only operates in the present.  

• You are not aware of or paying attention to your mind’s objections.

• There is a subconscious block that is powerfully resisting the changes you desire.

• You don’t take the action that is needed to move forward.

To make affirmations work successfully, you need to first discover what thought patterns and objections you have. Thought patterns are based on past negative experiences that you hold in your mind. These are stored in your subconscious, which always affects your behavior, thoughts, feelings, and actions in different situations.

If you struggle in some area of life and feel that you can’t do what you want to do, then there are some learned limiting beliefs and subconscious blocks that keep you stuck in your situation. Luckily, we can release these self-limiting beliefs and blocks, and creating personal affirmations is one of the ways you can.

A Simple Exercise to Create Your Affirmations

Here's one simple exercise you can do to help reveal your limiting beliefs and create affirmations that work for you:

• Write your desire or goal down: what is it that you want to achieve?

• Get quiet and turn inward to listen.

• Ask yourself: why is it not possible?

• Write out all the objections your mind comes up with.

• Keep going until there aren't any objections coming up.

• When you have emptied your mind of objections, go through the statements and shift the sentences to positive.

• Use clear, authoritative, positive commands in the present tense: I feel, I can, I have, I am…

For example, say you want to elevate your career to the next level and find your dream job, but struggle with the habit of procrastination. You have all kinds of excuses as to why you don’t do the things you need to do (e.g., update your resume, make connections, etc.). For some reason, you keep yourself from following through with your plans.

To quit the habit of procrastination to find your dream job, you want to discover the self-limiting beliefs and emotional reasons behind the procrastination, and writing down the objections will show you these. You may think for instance, “What I want does not exist,” “It’s too risky to change jobs now,” “I’m not educated enough,” etc. All these self-limiting beliefs are raising inner fears: fear of the unknown, fear of success, or fear of failure.

When the subconscious objections come to the surface, you will often realize they are not true, and that already helps to release them. To empower your mind and believe new thoughts, create positive statements, such as: “I’m open for new possibilities,’” “It’s my time now,” “I have everything I need for my dream job.”     

Used consistently, affirmations will help you reprogram your mind and change your habits, which will change your reality.

How to use your affirmations:

• Repeat the affirmations consistently and daily, and write them down. It takes about 21 days to change any habit.

• Use your imagination to visualize and meditate on what you’re affirming — feel like you would if you already had what you’re affirming.

• Keep your affirmations where you can see them every day (phone, journal, Post-Its) so your mind has a better chance of accepting your new truth.

• Motivate and encourage yourself by remembering your desire and its purpose, the reason behind the reason—why it’s so important for you!

Affirmations are an incredibly powerful way to increase self-belief, courage and help you expand your life. Knowing what you want is the first step to having it—and simply convincing your mind that you can have it will help you change your habits and make it your reality.

If you enjoyed this post, you will love my weekly emails. They are weekly digest of the best human performance habits for self-mastery, personal, spiritual and professional growth, and real life stories around the web. Sign up here!

With love and gratitude,
Jenni

Transform your days for successful, productive feel good days

If you feel like your days never seem to go as planned, you’re not alone.

If my day is not planned, and there are no clear intentions and time slots reserved for each type of activity, then I’m hustling, starting 10 things without finishing any of them properly and then staying behind my schedule. 

Typically at the end of those days I feel that I have wasted the day, there’s self-blame, anxiety, and I feel as though I got nothing done! Not good.

This is a usual “chicken running without a head day" for many, I know.

During the first years of my entrepreneurial life I got exhausted and drained, as I felt as though I was never complete and there was always so much to do!

The freedom I had got after leaving my 9-5 job led to time management issues and I didn’t have clarity.

I just couldn’t stop working and forgot my personal needs and self-care, as I had no structure or boundaries at all. I was scared to think about how much more I needed to do to be more productive and effective  - in order to get the results I wanted. It led to adrenaline exhaustion until I realized that it was about me.

I needed to change my habits and introduce clarity and structure into my days.

It’s not how we should feel in the end, even there are always so many things we need to do. The list is endless but our energy isn’t.

That's when I changed my habits and implemented new methods that helped me to find my freedom while staying super focused and in high vibration.

I started enjoying great days, one after another.

Soon I was super happy to notice it worked: I had improved my productivity; creativity; my overall wellbeing; and increased my income. I felt good about myself and worried less. I felt that I was in control and complete every day by working a lot less and flowing forward with ease.

It was then I designed my Clarity Method and the planner that helps me to stay spiritually, mentally, and emotionally aligned and flowing steadily forward towards my desires and goals.

This is how you can create intentional, successful feel-good days:

1. Sketch your days and plan your schedule the night before. You win your mornings by planning them the evening before and deciding what you are going to focus on each day. It takes less than five minutes!

2. Start the morning with a consistent morning routine. If you have limited time, do a short meditation and visualize the day ahead. Use your mind to imagine how you want things to go and how you want to feel when you’re done. The calming and centering feeling will carry you through the day. 

3. Feeling grateful and appreciative from the bottom of your heart for what you have now is the fastest way to manifest, using the power of the mind consciously.

4. Set intentions, goals, and your three love-to-do's for the day.

5. Decide when your day starts and ends.

6. Plan time for self-care, downtime, breaks, and exercise.

7. "Close" your day. Pay attention to the good things that happened that day. Before you end your day, trackback what went well and take the lessons you need to learn - and feel the feelings away by briefly journaling!

8. Sketch your next day's schedule in the evening.

9. Decide what time you'll wake up and what are your morning routines and habits.

Repeat this daily and you'll feel energized, successful, and complete & content in the evening.

Repetition is a way to change your habits. I mean ANY habits.

Your habits are starting from your thoughts and feelings.

This helps you to see the results at the end of each day.

Declutter the stressful feelings and any bad mood which may have arisen. The less we hide these feelings but release and feel them healthily, the freer and more relaxed we are. 

It's rewarding to track back and follow up on your life daily. 

You learn a great deal about yourself and what works for you but also see what doesn’t really work and let go of that without resentment. You can always start again, at any moment.

Paying attention to good things in the mornings and evenings leads to instant gratification and positive cycles.

You will then unlock the power of the mind and attract more of what you want in life - it all starts from daily action!

Like one of my clients said, setting the daily intentions is like magic; things go as we intend to.

To help you get to create successful, intentional days continuously while enjoying and getting done what you wanted and needed to, download the printable daily page of my Clarity Life Planner!  

Use it for planning your days, habits, feelings, wellbeing, tasks and activities.

Love, Jenni

To have a healthy, loving relationship self-knowledge is key

Personally, it was the hardest thing for me to learn to say what I need in my relationship. In the beginning, I would rather have bitten my tongue than talk about anything difficult or to explain what I needed, which I often wasn't even able to recognize myself. This led to resentment and passive aggressiveness.

Over the years I have blamed him for not seeing or listening to me, that was before I turned inwards to see my own input. How I haven’t paid attention and opened up a real conversation about it. Instead letting my past hurts get triggered, hurts which had nothing to do with him. 

We all have our default beliefs based on our earlier experiences. I never learned, or was allowed, to express my needs or feelings safely. It's a common issue that many generations experience. 

As a child, I learned surface emotions were expressed by arguing, and the real ones were to be hidden in the silence. But time and avoidance doesn't heal problems. Unresolved arguments and unexpressed needs only build resentment.

It’s easy to play the victim and to silently blame others or the circumstances, while avoiding feeling our feelings and showing our real vulnerable selves. Together, me and my partner have learned to discuss fears and issues when they show up.

To stay in balance I constantly need to pay attention to give love to myself, so that I can then receive it from my partner. I need to hear that I’m loved often enough and sometimes I ask for it. Now that I’m pregnant I need that even more! I could be cuddled and hugged all the time like a baby. Touching releases the oxytocin hormone, which is needed for getting the body ready for the birth and of course, the growing baby needs it too. But so do adults. 

This is what I often hear people saying:

“Why do I have to be the good one and take responsibility for the communication and bring things up?”

“It’s about him or her and I have done nothing wrong, I’m doing my best.”

“I wish s/he would change and understand me better.”

“S/he will never change. S/he always…”

“Why is it me who always has to…”

Because someone has to make the change. Nothing will change if we don't change it. This kind of cycle needs to be stopped and the patterns must be broken - consciously.

Over time couples become so close that they can't see the “bad’ habits and patterns they have created together. Habits which are causing repetitive battles and issues. This piles up when old hurts and misunderstandings aren't resolved.

It's never really about the other person. In the end, it's about us and resonating what we need to learn from ourselves so that we can resolve the issues that will help us to heal and grow.

We get so used to each other, and therefore often take the relationship for granted and become less compassionate towards our partner. It’s easy to neglect each other, and stop seeing who our partners really are and what they might be going through. It’s easy to just assume, rather than ask them and see them clearly. Often we don't (want to) recognize how our own input is causing the issue. It's not fair to complain to friends, and not have a real talk with your chosen partner. 

Lack of communication and trust and an inability to be vulnerable are causing the emotional, and intimacy problems in many relationships.

Often your other half has no idea what's going on and what you might be thinking, and needing - you need to communicate it. There are so many misunderstandings in relationships, which sadly often lead to separation or divorce, just because of defensive egos and because people are not connected to their own hearts and feelings and have not solved the issues from their past. 

Too many people do not understand what they are projecting or why they feel how they feel.

However, if there is love and willingness, these issues can always be solved.  

Other people are often our mirrors: what you think and feel about others, they might think that about you. They often project and resonate with what we are afraid of and think the very same thing about us!

We communicate and sense without words often and therefore attract similar situations until we are ready to stop and learn. But only spoken words can create connection and understanding - when we choose to approach conversations with peace and compassion.

If you need a change and are not fully satisfied in your relationship, you need to step up; be open about your feelings and needs; and start the communication. 

It requires courage to be the one who stands up for their needs and asks for changes. It requires the courage to connect with the heart and speak for yourself. You want to do it for your happiness. 

The better you know yourself, the better your relationships will be and the more open you can be.

Taking responsibility for your own needs is a measure of your self-worth and appreciation. And beautifully shows you your limiting beliefs and what you might be avoiding. Maybe it’s about fear of commitment, lacking deeper emotional connection, trust issues, fear of having real happiness or facing the truth...

It never goes wrong and people never turn against us when we are able to show our real feelings and worries vulnerably. It releases the tension and shifts the energy.

It’s not weakness, it’s power. It then opens up the possibility of your other half opening up and taking responsibility for their feelings. It simply leads to a resolution and clarity. It strengthens the emotional connection - and adds more love, partnership, and trust. 

We simply need to be who we are and be able to share our deepest fears and feelings to our partners safely. 

So, what to say and how to change this?

Say what you don’t want to say - I know it’s easy to say that, but it’s the truth.

Do what you don’t want to do and face your fears confidently. You’ll be rewarded.

If your issue is that you are over-compassionate and understanding towards your partner, and you carry their emotions too, you are probably forgetting your own needs. You deserve to get what you want and need, and you are worthy of asking for that.  

It might feel in the beginning as though it’s not working. That’s only because as you change your behaviour and release your defensive barriers your partner is not used to it. It’s like they can’t believe that you are not coming from a resentful, defensive place but instead are approaching the situation with peace and calm. It will change, we always face resistance and challenges before things start flowing. You are doing this for you both, for your relationship and for your happiness future.

Coming from a loving place provides an opportunity for growth. As we need to grow constantly in life, so too do we need to grow and change in our relationships.

I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment below: How have you resolved your relationship communication issues? How did you learn to speak up? 

Love, Jenni 

BEFORE YOU GO…

If you enjoyed this post, you will love my weekly emails. They are weekly digest of the best human performance habits for self-mastery, personal, spiritual and professional growth, and real life stories around the web. Sign up here.

The Glad Show with Arnaud Collery: Stand up for your passion!

On this episode of The Glad Show, we talk with Chief Happiness Officer, Arnaud Collery, about happiness, passion and the ways how you can find and start following your purpose.

Arnaud is an influencer, stand up comedian, actor, party organizer, speaker, writer, coach, and author of the book Mr. Happiness!

He is a true storyteller and finds his inspiring stories on his travels and connecting with people. He has shed his skin and started from scratch multiple times by following his passions and exploring the world by traveling and living in multiple countries, including a South American tribe while he was searching for his meaning. 

Arnaud is the founder of Stand Up For Passion events that are organized in New York and all around the world. He has created the Chief Happiness Officer concept, and coaches companies and individuals connect and empathy at work through storytelling. 

We are talking about his fascinating story of life and how he eventually found the meaningful and fulfilling work that he is doing today. 

This episode is great for anyone who is at the crossroads and wants to find their passion and purpose in the world. We talk about authentic happiness, what it really means and how does it feel.

You'll get some tips on how to get started on creating your journey by following your real desires. 

Watch the interview here

AFTER YOU HAVE WATCHED THE EPISODE COMMENT BELOW AND SHARE your thoughts about passion OR ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE!

You can contact Arnaud and round more information about the Stand Up for Passion events and his book on his website.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you for watching!

Much love,
Jenni

P.S. Subscribe the Glad Show here and get email updates, inspiration, free resources and more.

The Glad Show with Ruby Mitchell on self-healing: How I overcame two incurable illnesses

On this episode of the Glad Show, Ruby Mitchell joins me to talk about talk self-healing. 

She is sharing her incredible personal journey how she was able to overcome C-PTSD (complex trauma disorder), brain cancer and a rare, incurable, disease that was repeatedly creating life-threatening tumors in her skull. 

When doctors couldn't help, and give up on her, Ruby was able to find her superpowers and confidence to keep looking until she met the people and methods that eventually helped her to find the root cause of the diseases, and then heal and recover fully.

Her story is an inspirational story about the trial and error, and how the healing path was revelead to her one step at the time when she didn’t give up -- even when she was expecting her second child and then had to make brave decisions based on her gut and intuition.

Ruby is a family trauma specialist, psychotherapist, and clinical hypnotherapist - and a real master of self-healing. She is a dedicated therapist empowering and supporting women on their healing journey and helps them to transform their mindset in order to transform their bodies and their lives.

Ruby and I discuss: 

• How we have to take responsibility for our health and well-being as no one else can really do that for us but we have to insist healing

• What was the root cause of her disease and what in the end worked for Ruby

• Why we should never own our diseases and struggles

• How we all the healing powers and how her husband (who is a soldier and not any kind of energy worker) helped her to heal

• Amazing exercises that you can start practicing now:

  • How to reduce stress and let go of harmful negative feelings and energy from the body

  • Lift up energy quickly in the middle of the day

  • Connecting and supporting yourself and your inner child in a different way

This episode is a great watch for anyone who is interested in self-healing or struggles physical, mental, or emotional issues, and need hope and encouragement on their self-healing journey. Do not give up but get help and keep going, looking and trying out different kind of methods. Something will eventually work!

After you have watched the episode comment below and share your own healing story or ask any questions you might have!

You can contact Ruby on Facebook or by email at support@rubymitchell.com.au

Much love,
Jenni

P.S. Subscribe the Glad Show here and get email updates, inspiration, free resources and more