The voice in your head says: I don’t want this anymore.
But you don’t listen, even if it doesn’t feel good or right, but you continue putting other people’s needs or work ahead of your own needs, priorities or well-being.
Adding more things to your never-ending to-do list feels exhaustion, and all those demands terrify you.
The overwhelm starts to drive you. It feels easier to push aside the negative feelings and try to keep up day by day.
It can be easier to blame life’s busyness, other people’s demands, or the job we don’t like than face the difficulties and how you feel.
If any of this feels familiar, you are not alone.
I know how all this feels. In the end, it is not about the others or busyness, though and there’s a solution to how you can turn things around and create balance.
10 years ago, I faced a massive burnout.
After separating from a 7-year relationship that felt like a divorce, I decided to put my all into my career. I also created a wild social life, trying to take back the years of the lost youth and years that I had stayed in an unhappy relationship.
It didn’t feel right then, but I didn’t know what else to do or where to go.
I had no idea how to connect with my cacophonic mind and deal with grief, shame, and betrayal.
So I just tried to numb it, avoid it all, and keep myself going and giving and hoping one day I would be rewarded for all that...
Within a year, things were spiraling down fast. I didn’t know I needed help; maybe because I didn’t know who to turn to, who could help.
I felt isolated and lonely even when there were people around me. I pushed close people away. I was sick all the time and struggled with insomnia and restlessness.
I had heard my inner voice whispering all night that I was exhausted from working late in the evenings - every minute of my day was scheduled. But I didn’t know another way to be; my life felt empty and meaningless when I did- so I couldn’t stop myself.
I was so exhausted and afraid I would drop from the tightrope.
one morning, I tried to leave for work after coming back from a short work trip to Paris in the middle of the night.
I couldn’t leave but collapsed on the couch, and the tears I had waited for a year finally came.
I decided it was not the day to drop and put the mask on and left to work, even though I felt shaken by what had happened.
It opened my eyes, and I started making the changes, prioritizing myself and setting boundaries as I realized I was in the lead, and if I didn’t have my well-being, I had nothing.
It took a long time to find ways to heal and keep the balance, but I learned to recognize when my stress levels were getting too high, I couldn’t take it anymore. My nervous system felt sensitized and reactive.
Getting to know yourself, your mind, your habits and your patterns is the key to balance, success and well-being, and your boundaries.
As a multi-passionate, creative entrepreneur and an empath and intuitive, my energies are often high, and I need a lot of grounding and isolation. I am number 7 in Enneagram, Manifesting Generator in Human Design, and I have been diagnosed with ADHD.
My highest values are changed, love, freedom, and integrity, which lead to everything I do.
I’ve been a people pleaser and struggled with over-giver syndrome and perfectionism all my life. I know all the women in my family have suffered from this; I was raised into unhealthy attachments and have dived deep into healing intergenerational patterns from the body and unconscious mind.
It’s incredibly empowering to heal and learn to choose oneself.
When we change the inner messaging and become aware of our thoughts, behaviors and feelings, we can make the needed changes.
It’s the self-awareness that I have consciously grown and the boundaries that help me react and respond immediately when I notice the signs: the feelings, thought patterns and behaviors that are red flags for me and trying to pull me back to the past, old habits.
I’ve learned nothing else matters more than prioritizing my well-being and health and making time for daily self-care, tools and strategies that help to recharge and create balance on the go.
The other day I was working with a client, and she asked So, HOW do I set the boundaries?
Here’s how you start setting long-lasting boundaries:
Start taking notes when you hear yourself saying, “I don’t want this”, “It’s too much”, and you continuously override your own will and desires and resist your well-being.
When someone or something repeatedly makes you feel bad, guilty, critical or judgemental - then it’s time to set a boundary and practice expressing them confidently.
When you notice a pattern or behavior repeating in your life, instead of judging or criticizing yourself, sit down to work on it.
Take notes and recognize the triggers. Ask how you want to change it.
When a similar situation or feeling comes, slow down and take time to breathe and listen to yourself what would be right for you?
Knowing your boundaries means knowing when to say a brave yes or no.
You are the one you should please in the first place.
Saying no actually leads to success. Having personal boundaries makes you feel good about yourself and standing in your power.
You have the power to stop the negative cycles and to heal the past wounds that have kept you repeating them.
What kind of boundaries do you need? What kind of boundaries have been helpful for you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Love Jenni x
P.S. If you are ready to stop trying to find and keep the balance with work-life and are struggling with overwhelm and exhaustion, I can help. Book your free Clarity call here to get started.