Strengthening your support system and relationships starts in you

As I time-traveled back to the past to meet the 16-year-old me in hypnosis, she felt insecure, lost, and alone.

Different from the others, like she was not belonging anywhere but desperately sought safety and acceptance externally that only made her overgive, trying to earn love, feeling she ever got anything back.

She was wondering how to be in the world, who to become, and how to make the right decisions that would secure the unknown future and make her happy for the rest of her life.

She felt she was alone to deal with it all.

She needed an empowering conversation, the guidance and support she never got then.

So we talked.

I helped her to understand and see what she was going through, why life felt so difficult and scary.

Why did she feel so sad that she needed to numb her emotions and ignore her needs and wants– affection, comfort, and safety had not been available.

I said life would be full of challenges in the future too… in one form or another but it was possible to learn to be happy and joyful every day and ride on the waves by shifting the obstacles to growth.

We had a good empowering conversation about feelings, self-respect, self-worth, women’s body, sex, and sacred sensuality...

How trusting the Self, the inner voice, and speaking her needs, feelings and opinions out loud and clear was important no matter how others responded.

I showed her how to learn to listen to her inner voice, body, intuition, and feelings– how she could support and help herself and fulfill those needs without trying to make others compensate for the parts that she had abandoned.

I guided her to use her inner wisdom bravely in any and every situation without hesitation because it is the truth of all the truth and it never leads us wrong.

She started to understand that her sensitivity, kindness, and compassion were the real strengths, not the weaknesses, and it was safe for her to be who she was and not try to make herself harder than she was.

We listed her greatness, her gifts, and abilities and helped her see that being confident, successful, smart, and talented meant she was reaching the fullest potential– and she didn’t have to be afraid of gossip, envy, or the threat of not belonging to the group– the abandonment she had experienced earlier.

She realized the ability to receive was as important as giving...  

That she could get love, success, abundance without overachieving and thinking everything should be earned a hard way.

We talked about how being a powerful and independent woman meant authenticity, self-acceptance, warmth, and compassion while recognizing what her superpowers and her real needs, wants, and desires are.

She realized how all that would keep her on the right track, and give her confidence, inner power, and clarity to thrive.

This self-healing journey was part of the subconscious inner healing and shadow integration work that helped me empower the new revised, confident version of myself last year.

Connecting with the parts that I had abandoned gave me the next-level vision and clarified the purpose and direction for the next successful steps.

all the relationships and support you need starts from within

Self-healing, self-love, and self-empowerment mean we have less criticism, less judgment, and less comparison and jealousy but more power, more resilience, and more feminine power collectively.

We don’t have to rise to the stages to make a difference. There’s much more work to make the world more equal and you and I can do a lot now.

We can support women, girls, and our daughters now: to help them feel more accepted, safe, and empowered– good as they are!

We can do that in everyday life by seeing others, listening to others, praising their efforts– showing the example of the good, encouraging and supporting women with the little things that matter a lot… trying to understand others and from where they come from…

…by checking in our own thought patterns, actions, and energy if it’s aligned with the change that we want to see in the world.

Are you with me?

Much love, Jenni

P.S. If you are ready for more, here are some options:

1. I help you swap out self-doubt and insecurities for confidence and certainty so you can unlock your full potential, resilience and purpose to create a more fulfilling life. Start by booking the Clarity strategy call with me

2. If you want a long-lasting confidence boost, and want to unblock and shift those old behaviors and insecurities for good, here’s a self-study confidence workshop, GROUNDED CONFIDENCE 

Are you a bedtime procrastinator?

Sounds familiar??

I see this happening with many of my clients, mom friends, people in demanding jobs... and occasionally slip back to it myself.

When my daughter was a baby everybody asked, and still are, how is she sleeping, and I still say it’s not her, or the baby, but me who did not choose myself and my well-being and sleep by going to bed early and allowing myself REST, do nothing.

The late-night “relaxation” and revenging is often related to self-sabotaging, I’m not enough/unworthy patterns, hiding feelings or escaping the reality- the jobs we hate, the relationship we struggle with and want to avoid real intimacy with all that doing, the resentment with the kids we silently think about them "stealing all our time" (let's bring some honesty here)...

So... in the evening when all the things are done, kids are in bed and the kitchen shines (or doesn't), we think we reward ourselves by watching the movie for 5 minutes at the midnight with one-eye open and try to fool ourselves that we actually took time for ourselves.

This is what one of my mom-entrepreneur clients said. She struggled hard with time management, productivity, and emotional issues without having any time for herself. It was not true either.

There's often a belief related to this that one is not deserving, worthy, or motivated enough (personally or professionally) to be the most energetic, best and brightest version of oneself. And "it's not possible" take time for herself during the daytime to recharge, and rest- which is also a time management issue that stems from the root cause.

Taking time in the middle of the day for exercising, self-care, and more of it after work too was an energetical game-changer for me. It helped because I didn't feel that obligated to do that late at night and most of the time it didn't happen. So I was not feeling resentful, guilty, and constantly battling with self-betrayal, putting up so much pressure on the evenings. It also was a key to boosting my productivity and ability to flow, yes resting, taking time off (there are many studies about this, the relaxed brain is brilliant, efficient, easygoing and productive).

After putting Stella to bed, I often end up lying on the floor and meditating, and wrapping up the day because that silence is the most fulfilling and her dark room relaxes me.

Recently I've also been watching Gray's Anatomy. It's silly and non-sense, it soothes and relaxes my busy brain. After 10 years, I was able to catch up to season 15 easily, no brainer 😃

When we prioritize ourselves, listen to ourselves, and do things based on that- that's when the heavens open. We can feel whole, happy, balanced and clear, that we got this.

How to change?

🌟 First become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Just observe when you get to the wrong track to become conscious of the pattern.

🌟 A short breathing, quieting down break after work before you start your evening, go home, get your kids, meet your spouse, friends ... is helpful to make the transition smooth, get your body and your mindset aligned with the evening.

We all want to show up for others as our best selves but often miss this part and then think what's wrong with us as we are so cranky (missing headspace).

🌟 Set intentions for the days AND evenings. You can do this kind of mini-plan many times a day in those transitions (before work, meetings, ending your workday, starting family time).

🌟 Ask yourself is that what you feel like doing when you feel overwhelmed by all the options and when you only have a tiny bit of time. Do that.

🌟 When it happens that you get back to your old habits and the autopilot takes over and you scroll/stay up/Netflix/write your journal with one eye open when it’s already too late and the guilt-tripping has started)... be willing to get clarity and ask:

What purpose is your behavior serving?

What might you need to deal with if this problem was resolved?

What would become possible for you if become free from it?

These little things help you feel that you clearly CHOOSE yourself.

When we constantly put and prioritize others before our own needs and wants, it feels like a self-betrayal that causes so much anger, and you silently or loudly blame others they will never give you THAT what you sacrifice for them. Kids are included in this, they unconsciously get their part from all this and that just causes more guilt.

So why don't you choose yourself, your wellbeing, your health your energy???

The truth is it's the little heart inside you who needs all THAT love, care, tenderness from you. Then you can receive it from the others.

Then it’s possible to choose you and make a decision for yourself and your wellbeing. 😘

Image by Victoria Heath from Unplash

How to make decision-making easy

My 2-year old is now a strong yes-no person.

Yes, it's the stage often called "terrible twos”, which is most terrible for us adults who can't handle their quick, wild and so unexpected emotional shifts.

I know how overwhelming it is for the parents when a rational approach or explanation doesn't work. 

Small children don't have logic. They only respond with their emotions, which are bigger than their bodies, and yet, they don't know why they feel that way.

This morning she put tried to put her new summer shoes on. I asked if she needed help. 

She didn't. 

She managed to get them somehow on but was not happy with the straps. Something didn't look or feel right to her (she is very much into details.)

She tried again but got even more frustrated as it didn't work the way she wanted. Then she outrageously asked for help. 

I tried to help but she refused to receive it with the loud NO. 

She cried and screamed out of frustration without able to decide what she really wanted. 

Something clearly didn't feel right. Yet she didn’t know WHAT would feel right.

Sounds familiar?

All we knew is that she absolutely loved the shoes. She made her choices from two good options and picked her favorite ones in the blink of an eye. 

This is how a 2-year old often feels. A bit like a teenager, remember?

Young children don't have any earlier life experiences, new things are coming up all the time and all they can do is to watch and learn, explore and try again. 

They make all their decisions, conclusions, and create their world views based on their emotions and what they have learned so far. They already have a belief system- and they have already learned from early on how others respond to their wants and needs. 

This is how our “conditioning” is being formed.  

Which is either helping us to make clear and confident decisions for ourselves, delegate things for others, know that we are worthy and deserving to get our desires (or not), rant about things forever when we lack clarity and feel insecure, or feel so guilty after we have missed an opportunity or have made a mistake...

The adults are often extremely indecisive, struggling with exactly the same emotions than the kids....

Did you know confidence and decision-making is a SKILL you can develop? 

How to make confident decisions that are right for you?

1. Trust your gut and original feeling.

-> Remind yourself of the first feeling and intuition that you first had.

2. Stop overthinking and analyzing.

-> When this happens, it's the resistant, rational mind that is taking over and trying to stop you from stepping out of your comfort zone.

3. Stop asking around what you should do. They don't really know, only you know.

-> If you ask from others, filter their personal beliefs, opinions, negative experiences out of it.

4. Make informed decisions.

->Gather information, ask questions and wait until you know, the feeling comes.

5. Ask yourself what are the consequences?
-> Ponder, if you will you be pleased with your decision 10 minutes, 10 months, or a few years later.

6. Don't try to force the answers or decisions. Go back to no. 1.

-> Forcing means your heart is not with the decision. If you are on deadline: set intention for the outcome and time when you need to know. Then take a break and don't think about it, but rather let it feel inside.

7. Take inspired action.

-> When the good feeling and energy are there - it's THE momentum that you want to follow through! I have never made wrong decisions when I do this.

I’d love to hear from you: How did you boost your courage, confidence and decision-making skills?

If you are at the crossroads, indecisive about your next steps on your business or career, I’d love to invite you to a complimentary Clarity coaching call where we connect and make a plan for the next steps. Book the call here

We have also got have got the confidence workshop updated and available online again

See all the details and get instant access to the workshops here

Feel like you need to fight, take a flight or freeze?

Working from home, taking care of the kids, household, home-schooling and being forced to stay inside with your loved ones who are trying to do the same IS chaotic and overwhelming.

Finding time for yourself, your work, self-care and handling all your responsibilities can be extremely difficult now. Even if you don't have kids.

Worries, fears and anxieties can take over. You might feel so drained and unmotivated.

You might feel that you need to fight or take a flight. Or freeze. 

It's okay to have all those feelings and feel exhausted.

We've been locked down for almost 4 full weeks now in Spain, so I can relate.

The first thing to do to change these feelings is:

Give yourself permission to feel those feelings and then, forgive yourself for having them. Accept where you are, right now. 

Also please, please, know that you are doing a lot (more than you know) and going through a lot.

I know work can be as demanding as it was before. If you have a family it can be that your bosses are not understanding your situation at home with the kids and that it's impossible to respond to those demands like before. 

I know how it works, I had over 13 years in the corporate world.

It could be that your business is under thread and you simply can't work right now.

I get that too! As an entrepreneur, I needed to sit down to create new offerings, strategy, and plans. After I dug myself out of the darkness I momentarily dropped, I created new ideas that I'm working on now and… they are actually super fun and I have no reason to avoid doing them anymore (you will see this in social media and my emails)!

I realized I thrive in challenging situations.

I've gone through so many drastic shift storms, so I know deep down in my gut that the obstacles are the way (you maybe want to check out the book by Ryan Holiday, it's quite fantastic) — I will always get up and get back on track, even when being a bit wounded. 

Like you too! You have gone through so many obstacles in your life that now it's time to remind yourself of the hardest ones!    

But it also means that I also need to calm, change my thoughts and re-connect with myself with breathing consciously multiple times a day by using the Clarity tools and habits to relieve the overwhelm daily! 

I am empowering myself to trust I will make my visions true while I have to prioritize how to use the very limited time I have for working, and self-care as I'm balancing all this with my husband, cooking, and child care. 

Instead of letting your inner stories overwhelm you and believe everything is falling apart, you can take responsibility for how you feel, what's happening around you and help yourself feel energized. 

Now it's not time to push yourself to do more but stop to see where you are and focus on self-care. 

That will make a HUGE difference in how you feel right now and release the anxiety, worries and overwhelm.  

Like my mentor Marisa Peer says:

You are in control and you can control your thoughts that are creating your feelings. 

That doesn’t mean to stop doing things but focusing on your needs; self-care, healthy, productive habits and using the tools that are helping you to create a structure for your days. So that you get things done more efficiently is helpful right now.

Looking into how you do things and helping yourself feel better, will give you more time and energy. 

To help you in this situation I have put together a list below of the resources to relieve the unwanted feelings and help you feel, calm and focused in this crisis - while trusting in your own abilities to get through this with high confidence.

Little action makes a huge difference and releases the negative energy from the body.  

Anytime when you hopeless, please remind yourself that this will pass!

We can get through almost anything just knowing that it doesn't last forever.

Get the free mini-course self-empowering tools and methods that will not only help you navigate through this feeling calm, focused and connected but create structure, healthy habits, self-care routines that you will benefit from forever!

Much love and courage,

Jenni

Create More time and Minimize Distractions with these 4 steps

If you are like me, it's hard for you to keep your hands off your phone when you get a message or when a new notification pops up.

I used to struggle with how easily I could slip down the social media rabbit hole. It would happen many times a day when I was just "quickly checking on something." And suddenly time went by.

It made me feel lousy that I was wasting so much time, plus I felt I didn’t have any control over myself! I was constantly late and behind schedule and that meant my days got longer as I tried to fit everything in. I was always wondering, where does all the time go?

When I tracked what was causing the distractions and how much time I was wasting online every day, I decided it was vital to set clear boundaries for myself (my mind actually), so I could keep my focus and get things done efficiently - and feel good about myself in the process.

It requires true willpower to stay away from the phone when it’s the alarm clock; social and business network; entertainment system; library; assistant; and office. And that really is what our mobile device represents to us nowadays.

It's difficult to resist because we are talking about something that is extremely addictive.

Mobile phones, email, and social media wire our brains in ways it's not accustomed to being wired.

We have started to believe that we need to be contactable and available at all times. Our brain has got so distracted and disturbed that we don’t actually know how to be present without doing anything but enjoying ourselves and paying attention to the life we are living.

I believe we are talking about a bigger problem than we yet even realize.

Many believe they are the only one suffering with certain issues, and that everyone else lives happy stress-free lives. That’s a social media bubble and it’s not true.  

It's so easy to grab your phone first in the morning. Then, before even waking up properly; without setting up the day; or even saying good morning to yourself or to anyone else, your rat race has started and your day is already being driven by the demands of your phone.

It will ruin your day if you open up a message that immediately activates your stress hormones.

This could be an email that you need to react to right away; something bad you see in the news; maybe you find out there’s a huge catastrophe at work; or you discover your ex has met someone new.

Whatever it is, it can immediately cause angst. Negative thoughts and emotions then quickly run out of your control and your day starts in the wrong mood!

All the wonderful communication possibilities mobile devices offer can make you feel like you can’t lead your life, or never even have enough time to live your days, peacefully.

This can be changed. You can either give your power away or choose to respect yourself; your priorities; the connection with your loved ones; and your well-being, by setting clear boundaries.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Switch off all unnecessary notifications and put your phone on silent when you need to focus. Leave your phone in another room if its presence haunts you on your desk.

2. Create a morning routine and start your day by being present, focusing on your breathing for a while or with a short meditation.

3. Create clarity around your schedule and set intentions for your days.

4. Take breaks and recharge yourself, so your brain is not exhausted continuously. Do nothing for a couple of minutes in between all the “doing”.

The benefits are clear:

• When there are no constant beeps and pop-ups, there won't be any temptation to react and respond to those notifications. You, therefore, won't be sucked into your inbox or into a social media hole for hours.  

• You are more mindful of what happens and how you feel, and can then react and respond to events mindfully.

• You will have more energy, clarity, and time.

• Switching off your notifications is a fast and straightforward way to increase your productivity and your ability to stay calm and focused: you will feel happier as you are mastering your schedule and creating a better day for yourself - which is what we all want!

How valuable would that be for you?

Leave a comment letting me know how you manage distractions or what is causing problems for you. Ask questions! What rules have you set around your phone and internet usage and how well are those rules working for you?

To help you create successful, intentional days, you can download the printable daily page of my Clarity Planner.  

Love, Jenni

I'll have what she's having

Have you ever been in the situation that there is something you want and need so badly, but it's just not coming to you? 

When we don’t get what we want, it’s easy to look others and say:

"If I could just get what she's having, then I would be or feel..." 

and maybe even believe that her life is easier than yours!

This, for sure, creates more worry, frustration, and anxiety, especially when comparison makes us feel bad about ourselves and inadequate, while the others seem to be living the time of their life and making things happen so easily. 

Comparison kills clarity (and confidence)

Other people's successes easily lead us to the wrong direction. It’s easy to close the eyes from what does it require to get there.

It is a survivorship bias, and it's leading deeper into the hopelessness, as we see the other's successes only on the surface and have no idea what they have gone through to get there. 

It's like a self-help book that gives you guidance of how to do things perfectly right but still it doesn't make you taking action and do and experience it in practice.

There is an endless amount of guidance, inspiration, and self-help books that are showing the right path that takes us to desired goals but in the end, it leaves us so very lonely, as there is a gap in between the idea and the goal: what is wanted and how to get there.

I went through all this felt when I started coaching and working for myself. The change was huge after working for corporates for a long time and then suddenly, I was being responsible only for myself, living in total uncertainty and having no idea how to get forward from there. It was lonely and all my patterns and blocks alarmed and change resistance wanted to stop me. 

My main problem? I had no CLARITY OF what I was doing. 

I threw myself in the worst situation without thinking and planning. I didn't do the work and be specific of:

1) what I was aiming to do
2) how I would get there
3) what if it wouldn’t work out (considering the risks) 

And I focused on the outcome, not the path. Plus I'm multi-passionate and that can cause a lot of distractions if you are not extra clear where you want to go. 

I’m not talking about plan B’s or negative expectations but more likely being a bit more realistic and following up if my plans and things started developing to the right direction. 

People said it should be easy to build a business and income for myself, as I had been in business for over 12 years. Well, it is not that simple - I did completely different work and it changes things a lot when you work for others and when you work for yourself.   

I carried on I was determined and I trusted my inner voice and calling - aNd I had made my commitments.

When I started the second part of this life (that's how I call it), I had promised myself to do anything to find out if it would be possible to be happy every day (it is, no matter the challenges!).

And I wanted to live meaningful life more than let my limiting fears lead it and I was ready to get over never ending thresholds that everyone must face - whatever they do.

Books and self-study programs rarely solve the deep unconscious patterns and personal barriers that keep people standing in their own way and when this goes on for while, it makes them believe they are not good enough, talented enough or smart enough to do what they want as the change also resists itself. 

Too many give up when there are obstacles and inner resistance that feels like you would be are standing in your own way. It's easy to stop believing when it feels lonely and difficult when there is no one to give the right answers. 

Too many are attracted by golden shiny objects without remembering that we can choose our struggles but we can't avoid our struggles - no matter what we do for work.

Choose and be clear of what you are having

You know everything you need to know - it’s there even if you don’t recognize it now. The better you know yourself, your desires and your genius, the easier it is.

By the way, success and failure are not that far from each other: "When failure becomes invisible, the difference between failure and success may also become invisible." (you are not so smart.com)

Now I want to hear from you: how has this been for you? How did you find your authentic success? What did you have to learn before it happened?

If you like this blog share with your friends! You can also join my newsletter here - when you SIGN UP you will get an ultimate confidence boosting transformational audio (which is so relaxing and helping you to get where you want to go). 

Love,
Jenni