How to make decision-making easy

My 2-year old is now a strong yes-no person.

Yes, it's the stage often called "terrible twos”, which is most terrible for us adults who can't handle their quick, wild and so unexpected emotional shifts.

I know how overwhelming it is for the parents when a rational approach or explanation doesn't work. 

Small children don't have logic. They only respond with their emotions, which are bigger than their bodies, and yet, they don't know why they feel that way.

This morning she put tried to put her new summer shoes on. I asked if she needed help. 

She didn't. 

She managed to get them somehow on but was not happy with the straps. Something didn't look or feel right to her (she is very much into details.)

She tried again but got even more frustrated as it didn't work the way she wanted. Then she outrageously asked for help. 

I tried to help but she refused to receive it with the loud NO. 

She cried and screamed out of frustration without able to decide what she really wanted. 

Something clearly didn't feel right. Yet she didn’t know WHAT would feel right.

Sounds familiar?

All we knew is that she absolutely loved the shoes. She made her choices from two good options and picked her favorite ones in the blink of an eye. 

This is how a 2-year old often feels. A bit like a teenager, remember?

Young children don't have any earlier life experiences, new things are coming up all the time and all they can do is to watch and learn, explore and try again. 

They make all their decisions, conclusions, and create their world views based on their emotions and what they have learned so far. They already have a belief system- and they have already learned from early on how others respond to their wants and needs. 

This is how our “conditioning” is being formed.  

Which is either helping us to make clear and confident decisions for ourselves, delegate things for others, know that we are worthy and deserving to get our desires (or not), rant about things forever when we lack clarity and feel insecure, or feel so guilty after we have missed an opportunity or have made a mistake...

The adults are often extremely indecisive, struggling with exactly the same emotions than the kids....

Did you know confidence and decision-making is a SKILL you can develop? 

How to make confident decisions that are right for you?

1. Trust your gut and original feeling.

-> Remind yourself of the first feeling and intuition that you first had.

2. Stop overthinking and analyzing.

-> When this happens, it's the resistant, rational mind that is taking over and trying to stop you from stepping out of your comfort zone.

3. Stop asking around what you should do. They don't really know, only you know.

-> If you ask from others, filter their personal beliefs, opinions, negative experiences out of it.

4. Make informed decisions.

->Gather information, ask questions and wait until you know, the feeling comes.

5. Ask yourself what are the consequences?
-> Ponder, if you will you be pleased with your decision 10 minutes, 10 months, or a few years later.

6. Don't try to force the answers or decisions. Go back to no. 1.

-> Forcing means your heart is not with the decision. If you are on deadline: set intention for the outcome and time when you need to know. Then take a break and don't think about it, but rather let it feel inside.

7. Take inspired action.

-> When the good feeling and energy are there - it's THE momentum that you want to follow through! I have never made wrong decisions when I do this.

I’d love to hear from you: How did you boost your courage, confidence and decision-making skills?

If you are at the crossroads, indecisive about your next steps on your business or career, I’d love to invite you to a complimentary Clarity coaching call where we connect and make a plan for the next steps. Book the call here

We have also got have got the confidence workshop updated and available online again

See all the details and get instant access to the workshops here

A quick practice that helps you be focused, productive and energized throughout the day

Now that working from home is part of the new normal I have been encouraging myself and my clients to include easy intentional mindful practices that won’t require much time but help to stay aligned, focused, and productive throughout the day.

When you start your morning by planning it intentionally it helps you to get the results and keep your energy balanced rather than drained. 

My “lockdown” life started already years ago when I became an online entrepreneur. After I became a mother, I needed to tweak and change my habits even more as I didn’t have that much time for wellbeing and self-care, working and balancing life while everything is quite chaotic.

I needed to learn how to ride on the chaos, lead myself in the new setting to stay sain, work for 15-20 hours per week, manage my schedules, energy and time efficiently, so that I have energy for playing with her and household chores.

Now she’s a toddler and we can do a lot more fun things together.

I created this practice and a habit that when it’s my turn to take Stella to the nursery in the mornings, we focus on admiring nature and the surroundings; the birds and trees, and smells of flowers.

She’s sitting in the stroller and often nodding strongly along with her bright “Joo” (yes in Finnish), and pointing things out on the way. Sometimes she just sits still, and it seems like she’s getting herself ready for the day as well.

I share with her the plans for the day as much as with myself to get my mind organized for the day. Speaking our mind, our desires and intentions, out loud is a lot more effective than just thinking about them.

It’s like a meditative mindful walk, being present, connected is a great way to get the day on the right track.

I used to do this with my planner, but now as I don't have too much time while working from home and having a toddler, I've found this to be a helpful way to support myself, feel centered and productive.  

As I do this, I’m ready to get started and can start working right away when I get back home.

A few years ago, before I brought in this kind of habits into my days, I often didn't get much done during the day. Even though I worked long hours and was so busy with my business that I didn't have time for personal life or self-care. And I didn't even have a small child!

I neglected my body, skipped mealtimes, and when things didn't work that well I had a tendency to push myself forward and work even more!

That led to negative cycles, anxiety, and exhaustion until I realized it and made some radical changes. 

Slowing down, bringing in these kinds of habits and ways that give me clarity, and structure for my work has positively affected my performance and energy levels; how I feel about work and myself. Also, I have done a lot of work with my past conditioning, thought patterns and mindset. 

Upgrading the beliefs has allowed me to give myself permission to feel SAFE to know I am enough, do enough and just allow myself to enjoy life and work more. 

That pressure that I felt inside before has released, bringing the feeling of calmness and trusting the process of co-creation.

Are you working at home, or you are forced to work from home or are you in lockdown again?  

Getting yourself intentionally ready for what is to come makes a great difference in how your day goes and ends.

You see different results and feel different: Complete and successful by the end of the day.

Going out for a short walk and getting your body and mind intentionally ready for the day makes miracles on how your day goes. 

You will be more focused, productive, and relaxed - throughout the day

This is why it’s worth making the effort, which it doesn’t actually require that much. Only a little bit conscious awareness and willingness to be well, feel well while getting amazing results.

When you take time to focus on yourself, your well-being you are staying more aware, present, and simply, happier when you are able to see and feel what is going on.

So here’s a recipe for a mindful, grounding, feel-good walk (you can do this anytime during the day and enjoy the benefits):

1) Just get out and walk around a few blocks. Explore the surroundings, like a child. Go slowly, take your time. You will see a lot of details that you might have missed!

2) Feel how you and your body feels & breathe and relax tensions consciously.

3) Set three intentions for your day. Visualize your day from the morning until the evening with the best, your desired outcome.

4) Think about your workday, and where will you start when you go back home so you know what you are going to do first.

Productivity & Success Tip:

Always start with what feels most difficult first in the morning. That tackles the procrastination as your mind is not that distracted yet, and your creativity is high. Then you also minimize the real threat that your mind starts creating all kinds of excuses, denial, and busywork that prevents you from taking action that you actually want and need to take. 

Is this helpful? I'd love to hear from you. What ways help you to get things done efficiently when you're working from home?

Much love, 

Jenni

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The Art of Protecting Your Energy and Celebrating Success.

Many of us are more sensitive to external energies than we think. Often women, who are natural nurturers, have a tendency and a habit to sense other people’s feelings and related energies automatically and unconsciously rush to “help” others with their own emotions. 

This is thought to be compassion and the way of helping others. In the end, it can leave you feeling so low and exhausted that you only think about what hit you. It can feel hard to carry through your days properly.

We can be compassionate and be there for others without giving a piece of ourselves to others, and they will benefit from it as well.

When I started working with people and my self-knowledge and consciousness grew, I started using the tools on how to set personal and energetic boundaries to protect my energy, and stop feeling drained. 

If you are a highly-sensitive empath like me or feel like you suck in other people’s emotions and energies easily, I want you to know there are ways and tools on how to not let that happen. I teach these tools to my clients. 

This kind of self-sabotaging habit is often inherited from earlier generations and our caretakers.
They are often showing up in the relationship dynamics, which often go hand to hand with success and abundance issues.

Through my own and my clients experiences the root cause for this is always related to receiving and self-worth issues. When those are cleared, all the good can flow in.

Also the one common belief women have is that they are afraid to be successful and step in their own power, even they want it.

It’s safe for you to feel what you are feeling. Also JOY, LOVE, and SUCCESS. 

What if… You can choose to not let anything or anyone bring you or your energy down right now, today? 

This is an outrageous and unheard idea for some people. During this strange year, it has become harder for some to feel joy without feeling guilty. But joy, happiness and success needs to be celebrated.

I have been working with a client on her habits and energy. Since working together she has experienced a transformation in her energy and she has started flourishing in every way, her creativity is peaking, relationships are getting better, new work projects show up... 

So when she said that she has had such an amazing week and for the first time she went the feelings of WHOLENESS she felt that she didn’t need the session that week and wanted to reschedule.

To which I gently said that now it’s time to celebrate it and use this new energy for expanding even more- to get her body used to it. 

It’s more than important to celebrate and feel the big and small successes in the body and help the nervous system re-wire with it (this is called neuroplasticity). It’s so much easier to focus on negative than embrace the positive, the good things! This is because the mind is so often wired with negative, and it’s a habit that is based on your beliefs and stories you tell yourself.

Celebrating however, helps to create a new long-lasting tendency on focusing positive good things - so the body can keep receiving, and not only giving. 

This is what embodying success really means and how we keep the good things up and flowing. For example, journaling about positive things is incredibly important and empowering, and expansive.

How to get started with managing your feelings and protecting your energy, so you feel good and safe to do what you need to do without allowing your emotions or fears take hold on you?

I wanted to share an easy, daily practice that you can use anywhere anytime: 

1. Ask yourself if you are willing to feel better?  

2. Allow yourself to feel the feelings, in your mind and your body, and breathe through them. Be with the feeling until it releases. It’s just a feeling.

3. Talk to yourself in empowering ways. Say what you would like to and need to hear from someone else. You can also say “It’s safe for you to feel this xxxxx.”

4. Changing your thoughts, changes your feelings.

5. The point of power is in the present moment.

Try setting an intention to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and successes, when they happen. With all of the uncertainty in the world, it’s more important now than ever to protect your positive energies and focus on the positives that you can control in your life.

Unapologetically celebrate and enjoy your success, focus on the happiness you feel  and be present in that moment- recognise your authentic power, rippling positively into the world!

When you intentionally pay attention to your little and big wins, you will notice that positivity expands, your creativity will flourish, relationships will improve and everything will seem more aligned and clear. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, what has helped you to feel more centered and successful?

Much love, Jenni

How to stop over-giving and start receiving what you deserve

When you over-give, you probably lack boundaries, and it can feel like someone is taking advantage of you, rejecting you, or even bullying you- somehow using you and your kindness for their benefit.

Also, it often feels that you need to bend, please and prioritize other people’s emotions over yours- like you don’t matter, which is quite frustrating.

This can create an unwanted fight, flight or freeze reaction that triggers your old hurt, anger, and unhealed wounds.

You might believe that you get back the same by giving a lot.

A typical example is a couple repeating the same arguments, stories, and blames repeatedly. Then there's peace for a little while; you hope you got over it, and then the same hopeless painful cycle happens again.

Another example would be that you have worked hard for your project but still didn't get the promised raise. You feel frozen in the situation and don't know what to do, so you don't do anything, but it increases resentment and injustice.

Or you raise your fees, and in the sales calls, you slip the old fee or give them a discount without them even asking for it, and later you want to bite your tongue and try to work with your mindset, but that's not helping.

The third example could be that whenever you try to make your child do something you have asked for, and they are not doing it, you lose your nerve and start yelling, which doesn't work either. It only adds up guilt and makes you feel powerless and tense.

All this makes your mind conspire about the old stories of how they are impossible, things won't ever change, and you can't do anything about it.

This is when people feel stuck and hopeless and start struggling with insecurities and confidence.

All you want is connection, comfort, and feel safe and knowing how to change your situation.

This is possible, but repeating the same doesn’t work.

We need to look deeper and work with our inner dialogue and strategies rather than trying to force the change and yell louder to be seen and heard- to feel that we matter and to get what we truly desire.

What keeps us repeating the SAME harmful and painful patterns comes from the unconscious mind: earlier in life, we learn the dynamics that we repeat decades later.

If we are unaware of our inner dialogue, unable to heal and accept our past experiences, our super fast and powerful brain repeats the learned behaviors and old limiting stories every time the right emotions are triggered.

THAT keeps us stuck and struggling- if it's not consciously released.

Here's one example.

One of my clients struggled with the fear of rejection and conflict.

She was afraid of confrontation and speaking up her mind.

This caused her issues at work, she never got support from her bosses, and her professional knowledge was not recognized or praised, verbally or financially.

In her relationships, she ended up pleasing others and giving away her power in different situations, being a nice, good girl who could not keep any boundaries that would fulfill her real needs.

In her childhood, she was constantly rejected by her strict father, overpowered to obey, and shouted quiet. She learned that being quiet and doing her own things without sharing with anyone, feeling that she did not belong anywhere.

Certain events related to her father in her childhood caused her never to learn to trust others fully, not even friends.

She felt disconnected from her relationships and socially isolated. She played it safe and picked people who were unavailable in one way or another. And, of course, she could not get the closeness and the love she wanted and needed.

When we finished working with her, she released the need for fear. She felt at ease in expressing herself and her needs calmly, without the old anger bursts she had.

She was able to recognize her own self-worth and value with high confidence, and therefore was able to set boundaries not only help her but her partner and family.

Even in situations that could cause confrontations, she was able to speak up, knowing the other people were responsible for their emotions and reactions, and understanding that their responses are also led by their own learned stories.

That helped her make life-long changes in all areas of life.

Do you have clear, healthy boundaries with yourself, with your spouse, your kids, and at work?

Here are three questions that can help you stop over-giving and start receiving:

• In what situations do you lack boundaries or over-give, or neglect your own needs?

• How does it make you feel when this happens?

• Where and how did you learn this?

• How do you want to change and be?

• What kind of boundaries do you need to set for yourself?

• How can you practice receiving more?

Without clarity, you can't see things clearly and make any changes, so if this resonates, take time to work through these questions.

P.S. If it feels like other people or your unwanted behaviors and blocks control your life too much, and you are ready to get your power back, I can help. Feel free to book a clarity call with me. I this call we create clarity in your situation and make a plan how to change things around.

Daily self-care and meditation practice for moms and busy bees

HOW TO ADD MEDITATION AND SELF-CARE PRACTICE IN YOUR ALREADY FULL DAILY SCHEDULE

Traditionally we have thought self-care, and meditation in certain ways: being present in the candlelight in the total silence, rose petal baths, water streams, calm music playing on the background, clean crispy white ropes… what a bliss.

While it can be like that it’s not the reality we busy women are living day to day!

Especially when there are businesses to run, high-demanding jobs and small children to take care of- the self-care practice, which is crucial for the wellbeing and emotional balance, has to be looked at in different ways.

The more we help and support ourselves FEEL GOOD in the moments, balance our mental and emotional residues with these little tools and breathing exercises I’m sharing below, you will FEEL BETTER and CLEARER throughout the day.

Then you don't need to wait for that perfect moment in the evening or early morning when you may feel completely drained and only want to rest or numb yourself, which is also very common and only adds up more guilt.

It’s not easy to make any extra time for ourselves when it’s already so freaking busy, I get that!

Especially right now when the schools and daycare are still closed in many countries, or it's not possible or safe to go out all the time.

I know it myself and I have to learn to prioritize brutally and put in the effort consciously and daily to make it happen.

When I became a mother I really had to force myself to start doing my daily meditation and self-care practices again after a couple of months. Just because I soon noticed how unwell, disconnected and anxious I felt, like I lacked ALL control of my life, including sleep.

As the old ways didn't work anymore and I didn't have the possibility to sit in meditation, doing yoga or journaling sometimes for hours per day as I did before, I had to create new ways and methods to squeeze in the practices that mean LIFE to me and are the way how I feel connected and completely myself.

BUT… before I was able to bring these crucial habits back in my life and stop resisting my own wellbeing as hard as I did, I needed the right kind of motivation to make the changes. For me it was my wellbeing and the growing anxiety that almost got out of control. I never knew I was an anxious person before I became a mother and then after I started working with it, I realized I had been an anxious person for a very long time.

This is what often happens when we work with the subconscious beliefs and root causes - we start seeing these patterns repeating themselves everywhere in life. Which is only a good thing, because that then allows to change the behavior.

With many of my women and mom clients, I see that the real reason why they get lost in the busyness and emotional cycles, self-sabotaging habits is that somehow they don’t believe they deserve to take the time for themselves and their self-care. Everyone and everything else goes before their wellbeing and that’s subconsciously most often stemming from lack of self-worth and not feeling good enough.

We can always make time for things that are important for us!

I started going out in the mornings, to meditate, walk and take a breather. Sometimes I’m taking deep breaths, stretching or doing some yoga or scribbling intentions down or do short emotional cleansing with journaling when my daughter is playing around or is sometimes on top of me.

I see my little one is quite a good little yogini already now, she loves copying me and moving her body, pretending taking deep breaths, which is funny and a good thing.

Even those 5-30 minutes are not always perfect stillness but they are still very, very helpful! We can do so much during the days in the middle of the chaos to help ourselves connect and release tensions. That is the practice.

So here a my tips for daily self-care that are not just for the crisis now but also for the daily life:

• Meditation can really be just trying to quiet down and get focused on something mindfully breathing and being present. That little thing is part of your overall wellbeing and happiness.

• Be focused when you’re doing things at home. Notice how well you care about the healthy food you cook for yourself and your family.

• Or when you’re taking time to clean the kitchen, or the house, think about it cleaning not just the physical space but the energies in that space as well. Take this as a practice and your “own” time. (if that’s your only time for yourself it’s good to talk with your partner and organize time for you!)

• When you take a shower, take time to do a shower meditation - love your body and how well it supports you and your health. Visualize the water cleansing your physical body but your mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual ones too.

• Playing with the kids can be a meditation in some regards. It is recharging and energizing when you forget everything else at that moment and take the time to really focus in on our time with them - it's not only for them but for ourselves too and creates a wonderful deep connection with them.

• When you run your errands, focus on embracing health, money that you have for the payments, focusing on positive thoughts.

• Breathe and visualize yourself being covered by the energy that is protecting and keeping you safe, calm and connected. Your breath is your life force and it’s always with you!

• When you drive with your car or use public transportation, use this time to focus on embracing good things in your life and focus on appreciation and gratitude, especially in the areas you want to expand.

• Before you go to sleep clear the negative energies by journaling about your emotions, talk about them and let go of all anger, frustration and anything on those pages that love to listen to you. Then, think about good things, your dreams, your desires - thinking good empowering thoughts before sleep helps to activate your subconscious to attract it and sleep well.

• Pay attention to your surroundings, nature, when you walk outside or watch out of the window.

• Pay attention to people in your life and what they do, how they are trying to do their best. Give yourself the same praise everyday.

• At the end of the day or during the day make a list in your mind of all things you got done, how well you take care of your tasks, work, others and embrace all that effort and energy that you put in.

• Remind yourself of all that you give and receive it back by praising yourself.

• Allow yourself to enjoy the moments - there are lots of them when you start consciously paying attention to it.

This is a big list helping you to make mind shifts and do almost all of it “on the go”. You can build your kind of self-care practice be part of your days and that’s a practice - without the need to reserve hours or special time for doing it all.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Love Jenni x

Do this to keep your New Year's resolutions

Have you made big promises, visions and life goals for the New Year?

I’m happy if you did! It’s a great way to make positive changes. 

You probably committed yourself to exercise more, save money, learn a new skill, land a new job and get the next step of your career going, manage your time or stress better, be healthier, change bad habits, improve relationships or you just want to become a better person...

In general, these things make us happier.

Unfortunately, it’s rare for people to keep their resolutions. Approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February.  

It’s painful to realize that what you are trying to do is not working. 

It can feel like you are standing in the way of your own happiness and success. Even strong willpower doesn’t work and it’s definitely not fun anymore.

here are the common reasons why people fail to accomplish their goals and resolutions:

• they set too high and unrealistic expectations and goals (we can’t have everything at once and change faster than we are ready for).

• they are not explicit about their desires and goals (the detail is needed).

• they don’t plan how to make it happen.

• they lack real motivation and commitment.

These reasons are very logical. But the real reason why people fail to accomplish their goals and resolutions is not based on logic. 

It's because your mind is wired to your old habits of thinking, feeling and behaving.

Your feelings and (often) unconscious patterns always beat the logic and willpower of your conscious mind.

Your subconscious mind rules your world 95%.   

That's what keeps you in your familiar comfort zone, no matter that it’s painful and you really, really want to move forward!

It’s your self-limiting beliefs that keep you repeating the old patterns and habits that are not making you happy any more.

There might even be a firm belief that you are not able to change or that you deserve the better, happier life. Or even worse, that you are not worthy of it.

This is the reason why diets, saving or making more money, personal development plans and exercise programs, and resolutions in general, won’t work. That is until you change your subconscious programming, i.e. your beliefs and thoughts, and get a clear vision of how you want to change and also connect deeply to how it will feel when you have reached your goal.

Successful resolutions and goals require: 

1. A clear, detailed goal you commit yourself to.

2. Facing and then changing your self-limiting beliefs and stories.

3. Bringing light to your inner objections and patterns.

4. Time.

5. Consistency; don’t give up when you face obstacles.

6. Using visualization (your imagination) to empower and motivate yourself to see your goal in your mind and believe it.

7. Create a plan and take small steps towards your goal on a daily or weekly basis.

8. Focus on doing and being present today; let go of the obsession with the outcome and know it’s happening.

By following these steps you will set yourself up for success.

To help you change your subconscious blocks and self-limiting stories you can download my free workbook here.

Leave a comment below telling me your thoughts on what has or hasn’t been working for you with your own resolutions!

Much love, Jenni
 

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