How to keep the inspiration up after the holidays

I came back home after my 4 week break in Finland feeling excited, grounded and bursting with creativity and ready to follow through my new ideas.

During my break I had some huge insights into what didn’t feel good for me anymore with work, and especially with my way of working, my habits and behaviors.

3 days later I felt like I'm losing the connecting with all and go back to the same...

Because of the covid, we had not been traveling at all in 18 months.

That also meant we hadn’t met family in person in almost 2 years.

I can’t remember the last time when I had been that still for such a long time.

No wonder I had felt a bit trapped without noticing how much I was lacking social, in person connections and spending time with friends and people I know well.

Being there, connecting with my roots after such a long time was an insightful time, offering me a lot of opportunities to become aware of some of the old patterns that needed healing.

It was like my inner blinders were lifted as I became aware of some things through spending time with the family but also some of the cultural and generational patterns.

Healing or things hitting the fan is not always fun or a pleasant blissful experience like we would love them to be.

But... We can see that in a different light.

When we are ready to stop repeating the same or feel triggered by other people who are just showing us the parts of us that need attention, inner work and acceptance and healing, we can then shift the challenges to empowerment, opportunities for growth and to our own benefit.

Last year in 2020 I almost lost my business but also found out that I’m codependent people-pleaser.

The pandemia triggered a childhood trauma and motherhood had earlier triggered a mother wound, which I just hadn’t realized until I was ready to see it.

Those two big and quite painful experiences started a transformation and a deeper healing journey.

It all led me forward helping me to see my purpose, passions and missions in a new way.

New professional skills, awareness and knowledge emerged through this empowering process.

The covid, on and off restrictions, the daily routines with a toddler, and busyness had kept me stuck at my home office too much.

I didn’t see things clearly anymore and kept repeating some things that didn’t work and focused on things that made me feel drained rather than excited and energized.

I had tried doing too much and was scared to let go of the things that didn’t work

So I when I came back I was motivated to change and keep the energy high at all times while feeling grounded.

To avoid going back to the old same and ruin all the gained inspiration at my break, I wrote down a list of ideas how to change, and a whole new business approach that literally came to me in my dream.

Then I set the personal and professional boundaries that are not available and acceptable for me anymore.

Based on this I made a plan and communicated it with others.

This offers accountability but also helps to embody our personal power.

It’s common to feel super inspired on a vacation, then come back home and go back to the same familiarity if the patterns and habits are not broken through consciously and healed on an unconscious level too.

Have you witnessed this cycle too?

Lacking clear next steps and boundaries is one of the reasons why people haven’t been able to change, express themselves and follow through their passions, creativity and needs.

They often feel like others and their needs are always going first or the world is controlling them externally, and like their priorities or efforts won’t matter.

This can be changed and first thing to start with is getting clear on what is not acceptable for you anymore, work with your relationship with yourself at first and setting clear personal, energetical and professional boundaries.

Much love and gratitude, Jenni

P.S. Here’s 3 ways to work with me

1. I work with codependent people-pleasers, hustlers and conscious entrepreneurs who are ready to fulfill their purpose, mission and make more income and impact in a calm, focused way. I have 2 spots open now for a 6 week Stuck to Success 1:1 program. Book a clarity call here

2. I’m looking for 6 women to Energetic Business Breakthrough 2 which is kicking off in September. This is offering a new level of healing and action where we work with your mind, heart and energy. This program sets you for success so you can do and receive your heart-based desires and goals. The early bird is open now for a very limited time 50% off, email back at me to get the details.

3. Guilt keeps many small, carrying the unnecessary baggage, feeling unworthy, bad about themselves. Sign up for the Freedom of Guilt online workshop for $39 and work through the guilt, forgiveness process and heal the past.

Client sessions: I can't make money. My business is just an expensive hobby.

In this Subconscious Clarity Coaching session, I work with Cirila Valmaggia. Cirila is a wellness coach helping midlife women release weight and change their wellbeing habits so they can enjoy long-term results. 

When Cirila reached out to me she felt totally blocked from getting clients and making money. She was self-sabotaging, struggling with the fear of failure and happiness at the same time. 

She said, her business was only an expensive hobby for her. While she was working hours per day she felt paralyzed and unmotivated from taking action, asking for money, and connecting with prospective clients. 

In the session, we start working with her issues and business goals consciously. Then we dive in to work with her subconscious, so that we are getting clarity about the root cause of why she was not able to make money and fear of creating create clients to get an understanding of why she was doing that for herself.

We then work with the mindset, her offers, and creating a clear action plan and also prepare for similar future roadblocks.  

She’s able to discover and release some big patterns and limiting beliefs coming that were holding her back from receiving money or success decades later since the events happened:

“If I don’t have anything, I can’t lose anything.”

“I never get what I want.”

“I’m willingly taking the pain if that prevents other people from being in pain.”

This session shows how powerful the subconscious mind is and how it can hold us back, blocked, and struggling with ourselves, our habits, and emotions painfully for ages until we take back control of the struggle, and shed light on it and release them.

The good thing is that when we become aware of the root causes, things can be changed very quickly and action becomes possible.  The brilliance of the subconscious work is that it’s fast.

We, or our issues, are not that complicated as we often think.

I checked in with Cirila a day after the session, and she was already taking action with everything she committed in the session. She said she was on fire creating new offers she felt aligned with.

So right after the session she started taking action on what she had only aimed and dreamed for over 1,5 years. This is really showing the power of the mind and what happens when we are able to release the stories and the emotional attachment with the old childhood experiences.

This episode is good to listen to:

• If you are unable to receive, keep or make money,

• You are feeling stuck and struggle with your habits, wellbeing, and self-sabotage.

• If you have a tendency to drain yourself with overworking, doing too much or follow your plans and get things done.

• If you struggle with overwhelm, anxiety or procrastination, somehow avoid and have difficulties in taking action.

After listening, you will understand better what are the subconscious blocks and beliefs and how it is possible to change them and yourself powerfully and rapidly for good.

This is the inner power, showing how you can change and own your old stories and become free from them.

Listen to the recording of the session here:

Many things and beliefs discussed in these sessions are universal and relatable and not uncommon at all. This is one of the reasons I want to share this information.

If you struggle with something similar, I hope this empowers you to believe you can get over your issues and find your way forward.

If you resonate with this and want help with your money blocks, productivity, procrastination, or letting go of other self-sabotaging habits and blocks:

Connect me to book your session here

You will leave the session with a plan, feeling confident, reassured, and able to see and change what hold you stuck in your situation. 

Then… I would love to hear from you!

Did you enjoy to listening to this session? Where you able to related to Cirila’s story and her beliefs? Leave a comment below!

Much love,
Jenni

Seeking to be understood: how to deal with emotional triggers

No matter how hard and more we try to explain ourselves or hope that they would understand us... it drives us crazy.

We want them to understand and wish they would appreciate us and value our efforts. 

Why do we get so triggered when someone is not understanding us?

"Being misunderstood brings up so many emotions because for the ego it’s rejection—It’s the original emotional abandonment most of us have experienced as children, who are desperately wanting to be seen, heard, + validated." - the Holistic Psychologist

Her recent post said this particular trauma cycle caused her anger and resentment. She wanted to hide and didn't feel safe in certain situations when she was putting her work out there.

I can relate to that 100%. When I saw her post, there was a huge light bulb hovering above my head as it showed me something so important of my childhood trauma I hadn’t realized. I was able to connect some of the important dots I had missed. 

Why we can't get over the common and understandable misunderstandings and just stay true to our own truth, stand in our power neutrally, with high self-appreciation and acceptance… is coming from childhood patterns and trauma.

Despite the fact that we would like to think so, it's NOT caused by your partner. Blaming others is always the easiest route we would like to take.  

The others mirror our beliefs and patterns.

They are there to purposefully show you what you need to be responsible of so that you can overcome the pattern:

* is then giving us an OPPORTUNITY to heal and change the patterns we are most often sucked in by our parents or caretakers.

* When there's an old emotional wound constantly showing that someone is not understanding us, it makes us feel that they are rejecting us.

* This wound triggers the same emotions as the unhealed trauma, experience or event. 

When we are not conscious of what is causing the trigger, we can't then help but attack, turn against them, defend ourselves and often start the blame cycle.

The child we still have inside us has never been able to heal, get the nurturing, loving understanding and validation she has desperately craved.

The anger, rage, and hurt are getting out of hands when the grown-ups are trying to fulfill their inner child’s emotional needs in the intimate relationships. 

To protect, to keep you safe from experiencing the old pain. 

The same cycles repeat in the relationship until someone, and as there are two in the relationship, chooses a different way and breaks the pattern. To step away from the ego tantrums and start healing herself, or the relationship is ended.

There's so much we can do for ourselves and then for our relationships.

If there is love and we are willing to work through the obstacles any patterns can be changed.

What two people need in any healthy relationship is vulnerability, boundaries, but mainly the ability to listen and be heard is helping a lot and shifts the dynamics quickly.

We only wish we would be seen, heard, validated and accepted as we are.

Can you appreciate yourself, listen to yourself and express your needs? Do you believe you deserve to be heard and validated?

When you learn to soothe your emotions and fulfill your own needs, you keep your cup full. Then you can give and receive love and attention unconditionally.

Much love, Jenni

Thank you Unsplash / Elia Pelligrini for the image.

How to stop over-giving and start receiving what you deserve

When you over-give, you probably lack boundaries, and it can feel like someone is taking advantage of you, rejecting you, or even bullying you- somehow using you and your kindness for their benefit.

Also, it often feels that you need to bend, please and prioritize other people’s emotions over yours- like you don’t matter, which is quite frustrating.

This can create an unwanted fight, flight or freeze reaction that triggers your old hurt, anger, and unhealed wounds.

You might believe that you get back the same by giving a lot.

A typical example is a couple repeating the same arguments, stories, and blames repeatedly. Then there's peace for a little while; you hope you got over it, and then the same hopeless painful cycle happens again.

Another example would be that you have worked hard for your project but still didn't get the promised raise. You feel frozen in the situation and don't know what to do, so you don't do anything, but it increases resentment and injustice.

Or you raise your fees, and in the sales calls, you slip the old fee or give them a discount without them even asking for it, and later you want to bite your tongue and try to work with your mindset, but that's not helping.

The third example could be that whenever you try to make your child do something you have asked for, and they are not doing it, you lose your nerve and start yelling, which doesn't work either. It only adds up guilt and makes you feel powerless and tense.

All this makes your mind conspire about the old stories of how they are impossible, things won't ever change, and you can't do anything about it.

This is when people feel stuck and hopeless and start struggling with insecurities and confidence.

All you want is connection, comfort, and feel safe and knowing how to change your situation.

This is possible, but repeating the same doesn’t work.

We need to look deeper and work with our inner dialogue and strategies rather than trying to force the change and yell louder to be seen and heard- to feel that we matter and to get what we truly desire.

What keeps us repeating the SAME harmful and painful patterns comes from the unconscious mind: earlier in life, we learn the dynamics that we repeat decades later.

If we are unaware of our inner dialogue, unable to heal and accept our past experiences, our super fast and powerful brain repeats the learned behaviors and old limiting stories every time the right emotions are triggered.

THAT keeps us stuck and struggling- if it's not consciously released.

Here's one example.

One of my clients struggled with the fear of rejection and conflict.

She was afraid of confrontation and speaking up her mind.

This caused her issues at work, she never got support from her bosses, and her professional knowledge was not recognized or praised, verbally or financially.

In her relationships, she ended up pleasing others and giving away her power in different situations, being a nice, good girl who could not keep any boundaries that would fulfill her real needs.

In her childhood, she was constantly rejected by her strict father, overpowered to obey, and shouted quiet. She learned that being quiet and doing her own things without sharing with anyone, feeling that she did not belong anywhere.

Certain events related to her father in her childhood caused her never to learn to trust others fully, not even friends.

She felt disconnected from her relationships and socially isolated. She played it safe and picked people who were unavailable in one way or another. And, of course, she could not get the closeness and the love she wanted and needed.

When we finished working with her, she released the need for fear. She felt at ease in expressing herself and her needs calmly, without the old anger bursts she had.

She was able to recognize her own self-worth and value with high confidence, and therefore was able to set boundaries not only help her but her partner and family.

Even in situations that could cause confrontations, she was able to speak up, knowing the other people were responsible for their emotions and reactions, and understanding that their responses are also led by their own learned stories.

That helped her make life-long changes in all areas of life.

Do you have clear, healthy boundaries with yourself, with your spouse, your kids, and at work?

Here are three questions that can help you stop over-giving and start receiving:

• In what situations do you lack boundaries or over-give, or neglect your own needs?

• How does it make you feel when this happens?

• Where and how did you learn this?

• How do you want to change and be?

• What kind of boundaries do you need to set for yourself?

• How can you practice receiving more?

Without clarity, you can't see things clearly and make any changes, so if this resonates, take time to work through these questions.

P.S. If it feels like other people or your unwanted behaviors and blocks control your life too much, and you are ready to get your power back, I can help. Feel free to book a clarity call with me. I this call we create clarity in your situation and make a plan how to change things around.