No matter how hard and more we try to explain ourselves or hope that they would understand us... it drives us crazy.
We want them to understand and wish they would appreciate us and value our efforts.
Why do we get so triggered when someone is not understanding us?
"Being misunderstood brings up so many emotions because for the ego it’s rejection—It’s the original emotional abandonment most of us have experienced as children, who are desperately wanting to be seen, heard, + validated." - the Holistic Psychologist
Her recent post said this particular trauma cycle caused her anger and resentment. She wanted to hide and didn't feel safe in certain situations when she was putting her work out there.
I can relate to that 100%. When I saw her post, there was a huge light bulb hovering above my head as it showed me something so important of my childhood trauma I hadn’t realized. I was able to connect some of the important dots I had missed.
Why we can't get over the common and understandable misunderstandings and just stay true to our own truth, stand in our power neutrally, with high self-appreciation and acceptance… is coming from childhood patterns and trauma.
Despite the fact that we would like to think so, it's NOT caused by your partner. Blaming others is always the easiest route we would like to take.
The others mirror our beliefs and patterns.
They are there to purposefully show you what you need to be responsible of so that you can overcome the pattern:
* is then giving us an OPPORTUNITY to heal and change the patterns we are most often sucked in by our parents or caretakers.
* When there's an old emotional wound constantly showing that someone is not understanding us, it makes us feel that they are rejecting us.
* This wound triggers the same emotions as the unhealed trauma, experience or event.
When we are not conscious of what is causing the trigger, we can't then help but attack, turn against them, defend ourselves and often start the blame cycle.
The child we still have inside us has never been able to heal, get the nurturing, loving understanding and validation she has desperately craved.
The anger, rage, and hurt are getting out of hands when the grown-ups are trying to fulfill their inner child’s emotional needs in the intimate relationships.
To protect, to keep you safe from experiencing the old pain.
The same cycles repeat in the relationship until someone, and as there are two in the relationship, chooses a different way and breaks the pattern. To step away from the ego tantrums and start healing herself, or the relationship is ended.
There's so much we can do for ourselves and then for our relationships.
If there is love and we are willing to work through the obstacles any patterns can be changed.
What two people need in any healthy relationship is vulnerability, boundaries, but mainly the ability to listen and be heard is helping a lot and shifts the dynamics quickly.
We only wish we would be seen, heard, validated and accepted as we are.
Can you appreciate yourself, listen to yourself and express your needs? Do you believe you deserve to be heard and validated?
When you learn to soothe your emotions and fulfill your own needs, you keep your cup full. Then you can give and receive love and attention unconditionally.
Much love, Jenni
Thank you Unsplash / Elia Pelligrini for the image.