Feeling angry?

If you’re dealing with anger issues you are not alone.

We don't really talk about it because... there's so much shame related to it.

I’ve been personally working with my own anger issues that surfaced up after I suddenly saw the people-pleasing, codependent habits I had.

I was working on myself with confidence and wrote in my journal about what confidence means to me. How does she looks like, behave like, feel like.

From there I got into independence and stopped there. I felt I had lost a part of myself, my identity- the one that I was a few years ago. I wanted her back.

At first it was really hard to accept the patterns and behaviors. I suddenly saw it everywhere. It was like a web that had affected me my whole life.

I researched and studied everything about it. I felt sad as I knew it was huge and challenging to start healing and change it.

I went to my old coping mechanisms of mine, numbing the feelings, bottling up the confusion, and therefore feeling depressed.

After a week of feeling miserable I was ready to accept it and see how these patterns had played a huge role in all areas of my life.

At work, money and all my relationships had repeated the same patterns. 

All that was copied from what happened to me and in my family as a child.

My role was to put on the happy face, avoid conflicts and tuck the uneasy emotions away. 

Rather please others, ignore my own emotions than feel abandoned, rejected. 

I realized how self-harming it was and how angry it made me when I ignored my needs and priorities so I started healing the patterns step by step.

Then underneath the sadness, the anger started rising. I thought I had done with it already but there was more. This was the anger I had hidden for a long time carefully. And it was not all even mine.

I was raised with strictness and had nothing much to say about what I wanted. I learned to hide my emotions and opinions as it was not safe and I felt wrong to have them. As my emotions didn’t matter, I started believing I didn’t matter.  

Eventually, underneath the anger, it was all about sadness like it often it.

I deeply craved to be seen, heard, and able to express herself freely without fear of punishment or emotional abandonment. Without the need to be perfect. Already as I child, I stopped letting it in as I felt it was not available and therefore I rejected myself, the young one in me who deeply needed my attention, my tenderness. It was the self-rejection that actually made me reject the good that was available to me.

This is how the subconscious keeps us safe and protected, thinking it’s the way to avoid the pain. Then it comes out as anger.

The results of this healing work

I feel more empowered and have clearer boundaries and abilities to express my needs and desires than ever before.

There are fewer negative voices, self-criticism, and judgment in my head is gone- people-pleasers are terribly judgmental towards themselves.

I express myself and my emotions easier. I’m more forgiving and so much more accepting and loving towards myself and others. 

It’s not always a straight easy line to reach our desires but this is what I wanted. 

Anger is an emotion as well as other emotions but when it’s explosive, uncontrollable, and constant the patterns and their roots that are often subconscious need healing. 

You are not born angry, one of your characteristics may be frustration like mine, but your critical, judgmental or explosive behaviors can be healed. 

We all have been shamed for expressing our anger and that’s not how we “should be.”

There are inherited cultural and patriarchal patterns (which is not about genders) and of course, the unique family patterns and dynamics add to it. 

The triggers are stored in the body. We can’t avoid letting these things in when we are young, but we can stop passing it forward. 

We don’t even notice how these affect us but wonder why we feel we can’t express ourselves and feel free to be ourselves but rather feel neglected, suffocated, and shut off, betraying ourselves and our truth again and again. 

Hiding, trying to unfeel it, shaming ourselves for feeling anger doesn’t make it go away. It just starts to eat us from the inside and leads to other issues.

It’s safe for you to feel angry, be angry, and learn to let it go healthily and safely with high self-respect. 

It’s safe for you to heal the root causes and stop carrying the anger that only hurts you, no one else really.

We often like to fight for the needs of young selves, trying to desperately get our needs fulfilled, get justice, trying to force or hope people around us or in our past would change or miracles would happen.

Hope that parents would suddenly apologize, or partners or people who have hurt us would suddenly change their behaviors and see us as we all uniquely want to be seen to feel loved, safe and successful.

• Sometimes people change when we change and heal ourselves.

• Sometimes they don’t. It’s not up to you to decide.

We’ll never get the childhood we would have needed and that requires acceptance and letting go of the anger we might feel for our caretakers.

The truth is others can’t fill the hole inside us, but we can do it for ourselves so we can then receive it from others.

Until the old wounds are healed we keep fighting and battling and blaming others for our issues, feelings.

Emotions are supposed to keep us safe and protected.

Anger is often related to rejection and abandonment wounds we have experienced earlier.

Then the subconscious patterns keep us repeating exactly the same in our life later on what we have witnessed or experienced in our childhood.

If you are dealing with a lot of anger or even rage there’s nothing wrong with you but there are wounds to heal.

Healing yourself is your responsibility and also, a possibility.
 

How to start releasing anger:

1. Witnessing and accepting it's there.

2. Sit with it. Journal about it. Voice-record your feelings. Allow insights to come. Who are you angry with?

3. Breathe through it. Keep repeating it until it’s gone.

4. Ask what the child inside you need. Give that to the child, they crave to be seen.

5. What kind of action needs to be taken? What kind of boundaries do you need to set?

Do the work. That is often the hardest part but so worth it.

If you are ready to get more personal support I can help. Book a call here

The sessions help you to release the root causes and then you become free to change your habits, behaviors, and how you feel. When you change the relationships with yourself and then others change naturally.

If you like this blog let me know your thoughts in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you.

Much love,

Jenni

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Why Fake It Till You Make It doesn't work.

When I first started reprogramming my mind with the new positive beliefs by using affirmations and doing mirror work it felt so awkward to me.

Mirror work means that you watch yourself in the eyes and repeat the positive statements over and over again.

I already knew when we change the inside, our stories and beliefs, we become free to do and create what we want.

Our mind learns by repetition, but...

I felt nothing goes in, things that I say to myself won’t work like “I love you and accept you” felt like, yeah right. It didn’t feel much of anything.

I was afraid of my negative thoughts that naturally occurred were ruining all the work I had done. I was wondering if I did something wrong, didn’t say things to myself often enough, and that my negative thought patterns were unbreakable.

Soon I started feeling… maybe there was something wrong with me, thinking that I was never able to make the changes and have what I wanted.

However… My desires and needs were much bigger than my beliefs.

Just because I had seen other people having what I wanted; they had been able to break through their fears, jump off their corporate treadmills, and start their heart-based businesses that were based on their calling and passions.

I felt jealous of seeing others feeling content and able to enjoy their accomplishments. I envied people being completely accepted in their happy relationships.

And just because someone had done it, it gave me hope to keep going and knowing that I could have it too.

Even MORE than external accomplishments I wanted to stop repeating self-sabotaging cycles, feel calm and grounded, and good about myself inside - right there, knowing that I was enough and had done enough.

I had literally run since I was a little girl because I was always so busy and late. There were so many things to do and I was fast! But that anxious restlessness exhausted me for a long time.

Later I understood it was because I didn’t feel like I was belonging anywhere. That actually kept me constantly on the move and searching for something different, better- was actually a feeling that I was searching for.

Feeling that I am enough.

So before I was able to move forward and create what I wanted, I needed to know deep down in my gut that I am enough and worthy of receiving what I desired.

Affirmations and belief work are a powerful way to teach your mind to think better thoughts, change habits and create new patterns whether you want to expand your career, relationships, finances, or prepare yourself for any specific situation that requires stretching out of your comfort zone.

While it may sound good in theory, many people struggle to make affirmations work, like I did.

Before I became a Rapid Transformational Therapist and hypnotherapist over 3 years ago, I had already been helping my clients to change their unconscious blocks and patterns with my coaching methods years. But it took quite a long time and it was hard work, sometimes we were not knowing if it was the right thing we were working on.

As long as there are old patterns, mental or emotional blocks it is hard to step into your power and make those changes. The subconscious mind controls the beliefs and the mindset which defines what is available for us to manifest.

It either keeps you stuck in the painful comfort zone or lets you feel free to take action and expand.

So I was wondering if there were a better, more reliable, and faster method to access unconscious beliefs and release the root cause of it.

Then I met Marisa Peer in Los Angeles and was hypnotized for the first time. Her RTT method was the answer that I had been looking for. Since my training with her, I have used this incredible method successfully with hundreds of clients with so many different issues.

And for sure, I’ve used RTT to help myself to heal my own wounds, get over the fears, and create the fulfilling life that I now enjoy living.

I am on the mission to empower you and support you to know that you thrive through the crisis, get over the obstacles, and come out of this more resilient, more confident, and more powerful than ever.

If that’s what you want I am inviting a free full RTT “I’m enough” workshop and experience how does it feel to confidently know it and start fearlessly making the changes you crave.

* If you endlessly compare yourself to others and think of why you can’t have what they have...

* If you feel like invisible strings are pulling you back every time you try to move forward and make the changes...

* If you feel like there’s a pattern you recognize but you still are not able to change it...

* If your heart is saying, ‘It’s my time’...

There's only one belief you need.

Jenni xo

What my burnout taught me

Last week, after DJ Avicii died, I watched the Netflix documentary about his last couple of years before he left the touring.  

It was sad to watch how he drove himself to exhaustion and how the look in his eyes changed from excitement to disconnection - like he was not there anymore. 

He couldn’t slow down to rest and heal, not even in the hospital where he sat on his bed working with his laptop all the time, bottles of coca-cola next two his bed and room filled with people, while he was talking with the team of doctors about serious health issues.

He tried to get some help and seemed to desperately get help while continuing touring and working 24/7 and only got deeper into the self-sabotaging cycle while his body was screaming all the warning signs.  

Alcohol, success, work, drugs, are great addictives taking the edge off the emotional and physical pain, numbing and blocking the way to understanding and allowing the healing to start.

Social media was blaming his manager who certainly focused only on making him more and more successful with any cost. But also Avicii himself, something inside him, drove and pushed him to achieve more and work harder. He couldn’t take any credits for his success and work.

He didn’t know what he really wanted to achieve and what would make him feel fulfilled. Nothing was enough, he was not enough.

Curse of publicity and overnight success? 

No, this is everyday life. 

Too many people struggle with the same disease and are driven by subconscious, unrecognized self-beliefs leading to extreme stress and exhaustion when they try to achieve and fulfill the never-ending external demands and requirements. 

His story touched me deeply because it brought up the vivid feelings about my own burnout.

I remember sitting on the beach and begging help from the universe, or anyone, so that I could feel calm, connected, and peaceful again. I couldn’t hear anything behind the cacophony in my mind.

Then the day came that I had been afraid of: After a one-day work trip to Paris, I dropped on the couch and couldn't get up. 

I had been scared, feeling so lonely, anxious, and panicky and I couldn’t sleep well anymore. I knew that I was dancing on the tightrope but this deep, dark fear had kept me going and escaping my reality and myself.

I had numbed myself with work, busyness, partying, alcohol, and smoking, and living the life that felt like somebody else’s life - it all felt meaningless. I felt so restless that I couldn't calm down to watch a movie, read, or be alone. 

On that day I understood I could either keep destroying myself - for nothing really - or take it seriously, get help, and help myself. 

It’s a dangerous - life-threatening - combination to feel extremely unworthy and believe that working more and harder and being better is the way to fulfillment, success, love, and acceptance.

When these inner drivers and false self-beliefs are on, there is no stop sign and we lose the control, and connection first with the feelings and then with the self - the most precious assets that we have.  

The first thing I did then was that I simplified my life and started changing my habits. I set clear boundaries and stopped putting everyone and everything else ahead my own needs and real desires. 

Sometimes it meant lying on the floor listening to jazz or sitting in complete silence starting out of window, which at first was scary and strange but as it felt right I did it.

I felt fragile and broken for quite a while, but I was able to save myself. It opened me up to a new level of sensitivity, which also meant I was not able to work as much as I did before - not a bad thing in the end! 

It was then when I found Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now opened my eyes to see things from a totally new perspective - it was a delicate but so powerful paradigm shift, and gave me the answers that I had been looking for a long time. The Art of Living in the Present Moment became the core of my life and a few years later my work.  

It was a blessing, like our challenges often are if we just learn to see them that way. I started the ten-year journey to spiritual and personal growth and healing. My drivers are now completely different and I'm on my mission to help everyone to become aware and understand that we all have the power, and a key to healing, happiness, and real success and well-being.

If you have have symptoms of burnout or if you are constantly exhausted, resentful and cynical about your future and your daily life - or if you are constantly sick or in pain - get help. It's not the way life should be and you can change it for better.  

With love and gratitude,
Jenni

Anne Vainio: happiness is an everyday practice

Why happiness requires everyday practice? 

In this intimate interview, I talk with Anne Vainio about her unique story. After drastic losses and facing serious health issues she started a journey to the self and shifted from self-ignorance and numbness to self-knowledge and awareness - and built a new foundation to her life. 

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What does it really mean to connect with your true self.

• Changing from achievement to consistency and alignment.

• The essence of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual clarity.

• Why reinforcing happiness must be part of everyday routines.

• Big dreams can be achieved with consistent, patient steps.

• Clear future vision and intentions keep the passion and motivation high.

• Have fun: Stop. Reset. Play.

We also hit the big question: Is it necessary to lose something important before we take it seriously and find the motivation to seek help and make the changes?
 

Watch the video here

Or listen to the audio here: 

The biggest lesson here is to learn how to listen and trust the inner voice and stop comparing ourselves with others.

To get connected with your authentic self again and creating clarity for the future, we basically went deep with these four questions:

• Who am I?

• What you want; what is that your deepest desire?

• What is meaningful and fulfilling for you?

• How to make it happen?

 

Stop. reset. play.
 

And have fun! Thank you so much for watching!

If you know anyone who could find it useful, please share with your friends! 

Are you repeating your parents' mistakes?

At the airport recently I was going to the gate alongside parents traveling with their two young boys. The elder boy was walking together with his parents, but the younger was peevish, staying behind and slowing everyone down.

He didn't want to go through security and therefore walked as slowly as possible to get his parents' attention.

Suddenly this five-year-old, who followed the rest of the family hugging his teddy bear, started crying out:

"You don't like me. Nobody likes me. You like Sam more than me."

Hearing him say this, sudden tears of compassion came to my eyes.

I understood so well how he felt.

The scene could have been lifted directly from my childhood, even the words he used were the same.

My cousin still teases me about the time when we visited her family. I woke everyone up during the night as I was crying out loud my 'nobody loves me' cry. No matter how much my mom comforted me, I had already formed a belief that I was not lovable at the age of four.

It was not my fault, nor was it my parents' fault. They didn’t know how to experience their feelings or how to teach me to experience mine. In the late 70’s and 80's, when I grew up, people were often not as emotionally or spiritually aware as we are today.

Also, there’s cultural patterns. I come from Finland and Finns are known as silent people who do not easily express any kind of emotion. Emotions were simply not talked about or expressed that much when I was a child.

They did their best, like most parents do.

There’s a reason why I’ve had to heal myself emotionally in this lifetime.

Sometimes, it only requires one sentence or one look, for the child to create a trauma; a harmful self-belief which can affect them for decades if it’s not released and changed.

In my case, I never really learned how to feel and deal with my emotions, fears, and feelings as a child.

I felt abandoned because I didn’t get the emotional response I needed from my parents.

As a little girl, I learned subconsciously that I needed to earn love.

I learned if I do a lot; become better; improve myself; and aim for perfection all the time, then I get approval. Then I am enough and I earn a reason to receive the love and approval I so craved. No one required me to do that. I did a lot of sports; was good at school; and had a full schedule when I was little. I thrived as a child, but as long as I can remember, I felt lonely.

Everyone thought I was ambitious and that’s why I was so hard on myself. They thought that was why I was so hard working and needed to constantly achieve something, to feel fulfilled. I never felt I’m “there” - nothing was enough.

Working hard, pleasing people and striving for perfection didn’t work out.

It didn’t wipe away the feelings of loneliness and fear of abandonment; or the fear that I don’t belong anywhere.

I repeated these cycles for decades, until I stepped on the path of self-love and approval and learned deep down the root cause of these feelings.

As an adult, my emotional wound - I’m not lovable as I am and love needs to be earned - made me work and push myself too much. It was so exhausting, I created unstable, abusive relationships, and I couldn’t really trust anyone enough; I still thought they would hurt or abandon me. All this made me create physical issues and self-sabotaging habits - it all comes from a confused mind and misleading beliefs.

Things have changed for me since and fortunately there’s a way for everyone to change these beliefs.

Emotional abandonment is one of the deepest wounds; and difficult to overcome.

We all have emotional wounds and so many of us believe we are not good enough to have and get what we really deserve and want - often very simple things.

We can repeat our family patterns from generation to generation until we put a stop to it. Any kind of suffering doesn't really run in a family - nor do most diseases.

It's not easy to change habits or behavior if you don't know what’s causing them or how to solve your issues at the root. But this self discovery is the only way to stop passing issues on to your kids; or repeating patterns in your own life.

That is your responsibility as a parent and you owe it to yourself too (same goes with relationships). If you repeatedly do something that you don't understand and don't like about yourself (maybe something your parents did to you) - there is a way to change it.

When working with clients, and on my own healing journey, I have found ways to heal and get over these painful patterns.

The tools I have found work best to help change habits are transformational hypnotherapy; energy healing work; and coaching.

Much love,

Jenni

How to use visualization and the power of mind

I had a beautiful brunch with my friends yesterday. We were celebrating my upcoming 40th birthday. I feel that I'm stepping in real adult- and womanhood, but at the same time, I feel ageless and good about getting old. Age is just a number and our attitude has a lot to do with how old we feel, and I never want to forget to play, be curious, have fun and try new things out - so what would really change?

Life is not a number, and I will never forget to play, be curious, have fun and try new things out - so what would really change?

Then, my friends were asking me about my visions for the year - what next?

Of course, my friends know that I live what I teach: use vision boards, reminders and different kind of techniques (habits) daily to keep myself happy and aware of where I am going in life - day by day (watch the last week's video of planning and procrastination).

I start my mornings quietly on my yoga mat. I try not to touch my mobile phone before anything else than a cup of coffee. I have all notifications off on my phone, so I don't get distracted (strongly recommended to everyone! Social media, emails and your phone just sucks you into distraction and overwhelm in a second).

My morning habits are part of my life that I don't even think about it anymore and don't want to live without - those moments in the morning time are my time. It sounds organized, but it's not like that at all: I flow with my morning schedules.

I do meditation, journaling, planning, and visualization - which is the IT tool that I talk about in my video below. It's The Secret all those books are all about.

On this video I'm talking about how to use visualization for short-time and long-term desires.

Visualization is simply about creating mental images for the future. It's about using your mind and imagination consciously, which you are doing every day and moment - unconsciously, the mind is fast - and that is how the brain works. It not about pushing through with a great determination towards the goals and forgetting what happens outside that track.

Visualization is a powerful tool helping us keep moving forward, and make things easier, daily life happier and you will become more trustful when you set your visions, define your goals and then - let go and get to that daily planning and life. Go!

To get back to my friends' question - I didn't know what to answer to my friends!

It’s a delicate and sacred thing when to share your dreams and visions publicly. I could have said I want to publish my book (I really do) and all those other things, just to say something. But I couldn't, as I haven't taken the next necessary steps yet. I did a new vision board recently, and now I concentrate on embracing today and feeling grateful of all what I have (the second part of THE secret) and there are many new things that need my focus and energy now - like my birthday celebrations! I have set my visions and I know it will happen - when the time is right.

Have you ever done a vision board? Let me know your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. And if you take my challenge from the video, I definitely want to hear how it goes.

With love, Jenni

My review of 2016 with 12 life lessons

Like every year, I did my annual review of 2016 this week. When I read my notes and journals, it feels that I was being tested, dancing all year on my tippy toes, falling and getting up more than 12 times as there was some kind of drama involved in every month.  

The 12 life lessons from 2016:

1) Leave proper goodbyes for the past regularly (no need to stick with the new year cycle) and make clear decisions and choose what you want, dare to ask for more but focus only a few things at the time.

2) Our greatest achievements are born when we are following our inner leads and passion. Not the others, the rules or the books. Learn the lessons and do it in your own way.

3) Following our passions and dreams can be easy. We don’t need to make it so damn hard. 

4) Burn the boats. Make things happen but plan B's put your plans on hold and prevent the progress if you are focusing on “what ifs.” When you set your desires, make sure you believe in them and in yourself. Make changes along the way.

5) The only way to get over the fear of failure and perfectionism is to do it anyway. See the fear, feel the fear and then - just do it. You will take a big leap towards your visions.

6) Learn from your fears. Don’t stand in the way of your own success. Find the root cause and do the work to release the old beliefs and patterns. It’s the only way to making the real, long-lasting change and preventing you repeating the same old.

7) It is an illusion to believe everything is under control. You can’t live for the future, live in the now and make better choices.

8) Relationships can be defined by the quality of communication. It’s not about them, it’s about you.

9) When you take responsibility for your thoughts, words, behavior - you will take responsibility for your life (and may lead it).

10) If something or someone doesn’t feel good, walk away (nicely). Trust your guts and save everyone’s time and energy.

11) Don’t try harder, try different. No matter you feel like you have failed, change things and move forward. 

12) Learn to relax and feel more - take the time to meditate, think and connect with yourself. It's not a luxury, it's the way to feel more happiness.

Happy, Bold 2017 - it's time to make those visions true! I  have no doubt, it will be exceptional, like never before.

Love, Jenni

Achieve what you want with Coaching Therapy

My area of expertise is to work with people who have deep, often unconscious, patterns that are stopping them from getting the success they want and need. I help people to release these blockages so that they can accomplish their desires.

There might be a blockage or deep belief that is keeping you from success and sabotaging you from moving forward. It can be very frustrating, and even painful, creating all kind of physical and mental concerns. But your past, or issues, are not who you really are - you can become free from your limitations and start transforming your life.

We create our reality from deep beliefs that become thoughts and then actions, habits, and values and in the end - all this creates the reality that leads your life now, but also if nothing is changed, leads to the future:

When you change your beliefs and thoughts you will change your life.

You might be struggling with issues like stress, achieving goals, money, sleeping, low self-esteem, confidence, anxiety, continuous illnesses and accidents, relationships and bad habits, or lack of energy, addictions, phobias and ability to stay mindful and focused - just to mention some examples. We are all individuals having a unique background and special gifts and I can help you to stop suffering from your issues.

Maybe you have done everything you can, but you still haven’t been able to make the changes and get clarity what you really want and what's your place in this world. That can be painful, I know that from my own experience. 

I have formalized my coaching methods, and I use Marisa Peer’s phenomenal Rapid Transformation Therapy and hypnotherapy to helping you to quickly release what needs to go and then become free for creating the life and happiness you want and deserve.

I have created a unique practice that successfully helps people achieve their desires effectively with amazing results. Read more of my client experiences here.

How I work

I meet my clients locally in Manhattan and online via video calls:

One-time Transformation (2-hour) RTT session - depending on the issue it is possible to make long-lasting changes in just one session. Please contact with the form below for more information.

Coaching Therapy package (Three sessions) combination of transformation therapy and coaching that carries you further towards your goals. Please contact with the form below for more information.

Premium coaching commitments are available by application/referral only. I usually work with my clients privately for 6 months, and we go through a tailor-made process that helps you to make the changes you crave and develop yourself so that you can move towards your authentic desires and passions. Please contact with the form below for more information.

Mindfulness, meditation talks and workshops - Please contact with the form below for more information.dfasd

To book your session or for more information please contact me by filling up the form below:

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Warmly, Jenni