How to deal with rejection- and become immune to criticism

We have all experienced the pain of rejection and criticism in some form throughout our lives.

A critical comment from a co-worker, teacher, at school, being let go or fired, going through a breakup, divorce, or being excluded from the family or group of friends. Receiving a no from a client.

Rejection hurts.

These situations prey on our insecurities and make us feel like we are not good enough, viewing rejection as an indication of self-worth.

Most of us were not raised with high self-esteem and the skills to deal with rejection. Things happen to all of us at school and in life.

When we get rejected, it is possible that old pain triggers, and that is often causing feelings of jealousy, abandonment, isolation, and anxiety. 

To build up strong self-esteem and confidence is to become immune to criticism.

To overcome the fear of rejection, it’s important to understand it. 

We are all born with an instinct to survive; we do this by finding a connection with each other and avoiding rejection. We are scared of being rejected, hurt, and not being accepted as we are.

“Our brain is wired to the negative, to self-preserve, and protect us from hurt.” - Marisa Peer

This is why we tend to remember and focus on the things that went wrong, sometimes even if things are going great, as we have desired.

Have you ever had a really good day, but at the end of it, you suddenly remember old painful memories of failures or what someone has commented about your work, your looks, opinions, or who you are? 

I have worked with many successful, high-achieving women and men; even the most successful people struggle to deal with rejection and criticism. 

Why? We all crave acceptance, belonging and connection with each other; that’s the basis of human needs.

Also, we are all born without the fear of rejection, knowing that we are loved, accepted, and good enough- deserving of the very best. 

The fear of rejection and learned beliefs often come from childhood. These fears can be limiting your life and your success if they are not addressed.

This can keep even highly successful people playing small, sabotaging themselves, diminishing their needs and feelings, and working too much and too hard as they lack boundaries and awareness.

Fear or rejection can limit people to have positions, uplevel and increase their income responding. 

Often a rejection can trigger inner unconscious fear so strong that they feel stuck and unable to get over it, but start sabotaging themselves.

People raised by critical caretakers are afraid of conflicts, speaking up, and expressing themselves and their needs in calm, confident manners. Often they hold a lot of anger and resentment inside them as if they feel they were never seen and accepted as they were as a child.

They learned to respond to criticism by constantly trying to improve and demand more and more of themselves. Also, they learned to get the attention the children need and crave in negative ways as they need to get it some way and have no capabilities to understand or express their needs better. 

This wiring can still be active in their adulthood if it’s not consciously treated. It can be that the children of critical, judgmental, and demanding parents have become highly critical adults, often dealing with anger issues.

What’s important to understand is that critical people has the most criticism and judgment reserved for themselves. So often when an overly critical colleague, boss, friend, or family member throws out a mean comment about you, it is really a displacement for their own insecurities. 

Understanding this gives you the most liberating power to deal with rejection. 

How to boost self-esteem

The greatest starting point to boosting your self-esteem is to know that you are enough and worthy of your real desires. 

Once your mind shifts to this new perspective, you gain control back of your thoughts, take control of your mindset, and overcome the fear of rejection. 

It does not matter what other people think of you, only what you think of yourself. 

Knowing that you are empowered to control what you accept into your consciousness, allows you growth and the opportunity to become immune. Confidence is a skill that you can train.

Self-praise and self-validation will manifest your thoughts and emotions into strong, positive intentional behaviors.

This is why I praise daily clarity practice and reflecting on our days, feelings and events at the end of the day. You can read more of it here and download my free daily planner here to start doing this wonderful practice. 

How to become immune to rejection

You have the power to become immune to criticism- you always have a choice with rejection. 

1. The only person who has the real power to reject you is you. You always have the power to change and choose what you think and how you feel, and there is nothing more powerful than that.
   

2. Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. Remind yourself of all of the positive things and people in your life or what you have to be grateful for.
   

3. Don’t accept rejection by saying, “I will not let this in.” When you don’t accept rejection, you are not giving your power away for others or to any situation.
   

4. Turn your obstacles to wins. Getting rejected can build resilience, help you grow and when you take the lessons you won’t be bothered to react personally to rejection or criticism in the future.
   

5. When you educate yourself and learn more about your reactions and patterns, you begin to understand why you feel the way you do, and see your underlying reasons behind the obvious and release them.
   

6. Rejection is often misunderstood. Our interpretation of any life events and other people’s comments is based on the stories we tell ourselves and the beliefs we have formed in childhood. This is defining how and why you respond to rejection and criticism the way you do. 

I hope you found this article helpful. How have you got over the fear of rejection or criticism? Leave a comment below!

If you have been rejected and the fear of rejection or confrontation is greater than your own abilities to overcome it, I work with business women helping them to strengthen their inner powers, have high confidence and self-esteem, so that they can expand and be able to take their lives, careers and income to the next level. You can book a free consultation call here to chat about your situation.

This post is inspired by my mentor and hypnotherapy teacher Marisa Peer. Image by Hannah Busing, Unsplash.

Why Fake It Till You Make It doesn't work.

When I first started reprogramming my mind with the new positive beliefs by using affirmations and doing mirror work it felt so awkward to me.

Mirror work means that you watch yourself in the eyes and repeat the positive statements over and over again.

I already knew when we change the inside, our stories and beliefs, we become free to do and create what we want.

Our mind learns by repetition, but...

I felt nothing goes in, things that I say to myself won’t work like “I love you and accept you” felt like, yeah right. It didn’t feel much of anything.

I was afraid of my negative thoughts that naturally occurred were ruining all the work I had done. I was wondering if I did something wrong, didn’t say things to myself often enough, and that my negative thought patterns were unbreakable.

Soon I started feeling… maybe there was something wrong with me, thinking that I was never able to make the changes and have what I wanted.

However… My desires and needs were much bigger than my beliefs.

Just because I had seen other people having what I wanted; they had been able to break through their fears, jump off their corporate treadmills, and start their heart-based businesses that were based on their calling and passions.

I felt jealous of seeing others feeling content and able to enjoy their accomplishments. I envied people being completely accepted in their happy relationships.

And just because someone had done it, it gave me hope to keep going and knowing that I could have it too.

Even MORE than external accomplishments I wanted to stop repeating self-sabotaging cycles, feel calm and grounded, and good about myself inside - right there, knowing that I was enough and had done enough.

I had literally run since I was a little girl because I was always so busy and late. There were so many things to do and I was fast! But that anxious restlessness exhausted me for a long time.

Later I understood it was because I didn’t feel like I was belonging anywhere. That actually kept me constantly on the move and searching for something different, better- was actually a feeling that I was searching for.

Feeling that I am enough.

So before I was able to move forward and create what I wanted, I needed to know deep down in my gut that I am enough and worthy of receiving what I desired.

Affirmations and belief work are a powerful way to teach your mind to think better thoughts, change habits and create new patterns whether you want to expand your career, relationships, finances, or prepare yourself for any specific situation that requires stretching out of your comfort zone.

While it may sound good in theory, many people struggle to make affirmations work, like I did.

Before I became a Rapid Transformational Therapist and hypnotherapist over 3 years ago, I had already been helping my clients to change their unconscious blocks and patterns with my coaching methods years. But it took quite a long time and it was hard work, sometimes we were not knowing if it was the right thing we were working on.

As long as there are old patterns, mental or emotional blocks it is hard to step into your power and make those changes. The subconscious mind controls the beliefs and the mindset which defines what is available for us to manifest.

It either keeps you stuck in the painful comfort zone or lets you feel free to take action and expand.

So I was wondering if there were a better, more reliable, and faster method to access unconscious beliefs and release the root cause of it.

Then I met Marisa Peer in Los Angeles and was hypnotized for the first time. Her RTT method was the answer that I had been looking for. Since my training with her, I have used this incredible method successfully with hundreds of clients with so many different issues.

And for sure, I’ve used RTT to help myself to heal my own wounds, get over the fears, and create the fulfilling life that I now enjoy living.

I am on the mission to empower you and support you to know that you thrive through the crisis, get over the obstacles, and come out of this more resilient, more confident, and more powerful than ever.

If that’s what you want I am inviting a free full RTT “I’m enough” workshop and experience how does it feel to confidently know it and start fearlessly making the changes you crave.

* If you endlessly compare yourself to others and think of why you can’t have what they have...

* If you feel like invisible strings are pulling you back every time you try to move forward and make the changes...

* If you feel like there’s a pattern you recognize but you still are not able to change it...

* If your heart is saying, ‘It’s my time’...

There's only one belief you need.

Jenni xo