I was not different from other little girls when I was dreaming about being a ballet dancer at the age of five.
I’ve always been an aesthete, picky about the colors and clothes I put on, and I love flowing movement combined with everything beautiful.
Last Spring I was in Nice, France for a long-awaited girls' weekend with my sister. On Sunday morning I went for a run on the beach promenade and on my way there I saw a gorgeous ballet tutu in a window.
I stopped to admire it and an old memory just popped up from nowhere.
I was born in a tiny village in the East of Finland and there were no proper ballet schools around.
I was living the dream when I heard a ballet teacher was on tour and would come to our suburb to teach a ballet course, and when my parents agreed, after a lot of convincing and stubborn begging, that I could go and they even bought me a simple white ballet tutu. I wore it at home all the time!
I got to go to a couple of classes. Then the teacher disappeared.
Everyone was worried about her.
When the truth came out - she had left and stolen the money everyone had paid - it was a huge shock to our community and my family. There was a lot of hatred towards her.
I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how someone so nice, who was teaching and representing something so beautiful, could do that.
My father had to go to court to be a witness.
I remember I was afraid that they would take him too! I didn’t understand the whole thing and no one was even trying to explain it to me. My parents didn’t understand how much it was affecting me.
It was my first huge disappointment and my first experience of betrayal and crime.
She smashed my dream and the whole experience left deep wounds in me. I never got to go to the ballet classes, however I never say never but believe it’s never too late to learn new if we are willing.
While this happened many decades ago, when I started working with it I found that these profound self-limiting beliefs were still someways affecting me.
When I got into it and did the work, I recognized the beliefs that were limiting me in many areas of life:
It’s not safe for me to trust people: anyone can take away my success and dreams.
I always need to be alert and in control to avoid disappointments and hurt.
Money is evil and causes a lot of trouble for everyone.
All this had caused procrastination, which made me struggle with unworthiness, pushing myself forward and then pulling myself back before achieving my goals successfully.
I couldn’t believe I still had these stories in me!
I had hidden this painful memory deep down until it suddenly triggered and only then could I start releasing these beliefs that sabotaged my happiness and success.
It all shifted quickly when I realized the connection, what caused it, and how it made me think and act.
Old hurts and beliefs are not necessarily affecting you in similar situations to the way you experienced them.
Usually, the blocks trigger different kinds of situations, which are bringing up the same emotion.
These early memories and experiences keep us from getting and doing what we want, limiting our ability to naturally expand and take our life to the next level; start new things; change our habits and patterns; receive love, success, and abundance.
Therefore, releasing the emotional attachment of the old painful experiences is the key to changing our patterns and habits, setting ourselves free to create a life, relationships and career that we want.
There is always an explanation for it, we are not powerless against our self-beliefs or victims of our past: when you change your mind you can change your thoughts and habits.
With love,
Jenni
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