I was on my way to a meet-up that I arranged with a group of conscious entrepreneurs women here in Mallorca.
I have craved community, meeting people in person too rather than online, so I decided to create one! (my global group is here).
Now that we are getting on the other side of the pandemic and restrictions are almost off, including the masks, it’s been SO good to meet people in real life.
So on my way there I needed to run fast to catch the bus.
I thought I won’t make it but then decided to give it a try and voila that worked!
This: running to the bus brought up a childhood memory.
Our neighbors always knew what time it was when they saw me passing their house as I was running to the school bus at 8:15 am while putting my jacket on.
I was always biking to school, really, really fast.
I was running to the tennis classes through the bushes sweating, changing clothes too quickly with that huge adrenaline rush.
I studied for the exams late at night, memorizing everything and then pulling it out on the paper the next day, not remembering much afterward.
I got good grades so it kind of worked until more was required and memorizing it all was not enough but I needed to put in some real work.
Probably I don’t need to even mention the airports… no matter if I was going for a business trip or on holiday I sweat myself to make it to the flight.
A couple of times I missed the flights and felt so so guilty about it, punishing myself mentally for procrastinating and not being able to manage my time aka myself.
Then at work, when there was a big presentation, a deadline, or later when I was working for my business, for some important things, like webinars, with marketing, calls with potential clients, I started preparing for important things too late…
I was always in a rush, late, leaving too late, doing everything at the last minute but always making it somehow there.
It all made me feel stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. The adrenaline running through the veins keeps stress levels and hormones high and it is draining and exhausting.
So much that I couldn’t enjoy the actual accomplishments, the moments and the journey.
Like it was not safe for me to be on time, feel good, take it easy and enjoy.
I lacked focus, intention & the right kind of energy.
Things didn't really flow with ease.
I managed to push through successfully but this pattern, which was a success and happiness block really, gave me so much stress, anxiety, overwhelm and pressure.
This cycle sabotaged me and my success.
I REALIZED I WAS CONSTANTLY SETTING MYSELF FOR FAILURE
I started asking myself why I didn’t allow myself to get ready early enough, enjoy doing things I wanted to do and that really excited me.
It meant I was addicted to struggling and hustling and needed.
My subconscious belief was that I need to be busy all the time, do something, produce more things, always create new, feel that move on constantly… because otherwise, and this is really what my subconscious beliefs were:
I would not be existing- be seen, get attention, accepted, be liked and loved
It was not safe to stop and slow down to receive and see my own efforts
That I didn’t do enough or be enough while at the same time I hold myself back from accomplishing my goals and desires (even in daily life) far away from me.
I had always been a hard-working girl, believing it all (love success balance) needs to be earned.
I consciously knew what I wanted and where I aimed but I internally resisted all that.
This was one of the success blocks I needed to break so I could take the time, trust the process, and allow myself to enjoy it and my life and accomplishments entirely.
Because it was all new to me, going to the next level is challenging until we breakthrough and it again slowly becomes our comfort zone. Then we need to do it again.
Our subconscious mind conspires and aims to keep us safe and protected to where we are no matter how painful it might be.
We all have these stored beliefs and patterns stored in our bodies that pretty much lead our lives until we change them and heal the old stories.
I was afraid to be seen, be heard, be visible in my personal and professional life.
I was afraid that I’d be too much and be attacked because of that.
So I kept myself invisible and small.
The same pattern kept me in the masculine energy, doing doing doing, not giving myself permission to have a slow lunch, nap, or even go to the toilet or take breaks, as I tried to rush myself there.
Often I didn’t even know where I was going.
This realization and healing of this block and the stories related to it shited my energy and my essence and helped me to start expanding my work and business to a whole new level- with ease, grace, and love.
Meaning:
I have time to go to yoga classes or do my own practice.
I rest during the days and before I go to pick up my daughter.
Journal, and sort of meditating many times a day, clearing the energy and feeling my feelings quickly.
I consistently take action and move towards my visions and follow the plans.
The energy of my business but also my personal energy has changed and that vibration has shifted things and how I attract clients, income, results.
I feel more balanced, connected, have better inner peace as I trust the process and know there's tomorrow.
It’s not perfect, it’s not linear, like nothing in life is.
All this shows high self-worth and trust (oneself, life, the process, the unknown), which is the foundation of feeling safe.
Trust issues are common and cause a lot of despair and are the source of anxiety.
Success is not something to achieve.
It’s something to feel, vibrate and know deep in your gut.
You know where you are heading and you have a plan.
You have ideas about how do you get there.
You take action towards your goals and desires.
You align your mind, your feelings and your energy with your goals.
You have your personal and professional life in balance.
You have your personal wellbeing practice.
You take time to ponder, think and feel to listen to yourself and your inner wisdom.
Embracing all your successes, all your experiences, and expanding from that place life becomes so much easier.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this and if you can relate to this!
⚡ Is your dream to feel at ease, flow, and feel relaxed while you work for your business and you know things can feel easier, more joyful and you want to enjoy your accomplishment daily?
⚡ Do you tend to sabotage your success, your goals and wellbeing somehow?
If yes and you are ready to go to the next level, I have a 6-week 1:1 program Stuck to Success & Flow open now that helps you heal the success blocks, habits or patterns that come in your way so you get your life and career or business on the right track.
Apply to book a complimentary clarity call with me & we’ll chat about how you can move forward.
Much love,
Jenni
Image by Hello I’m Nik from Unplash